Death

On Sunday, I hadn’t gone to church as Rich was feeling that my immune system was still too compromised.  I received word that Pat Young had been rushed to the hospital via ambulance and firefighters.  Pat had been struggling with pulmonary embolisms and congestive heart failure for the past month or six weeks or so.  By Monday I received word that she had passed away.  I’m so saddened by her death and for her family.  They had moved here last year, from Utah, to be near their daughter and her family, and also in hopes that the lower altitude would help her heart condition.  In some respects her death feels reminiscent of my Moms’ and I feel for Amanda especially (her daughter).

The summer I spent with Mom and Dad, prior to Mom’s death,  I hadn’t realized how close Mom was to the end.  In hindsight it is painfully obvious...but I didn’t see it.  Perhaps I didn’t want to see it...didn’t want to believe it could happen.  But I was focused on her doing everything she could to live and overcome what she was dealing with...I wanted her to fight...and I had no idea how hard she was fighting nor how impossible the odds were. I often look back and realize how self-righteous and imperial I was...thinking I knew what was best for her and instead of compassion and empathy she got me.  Hindsight is 20/20.  

Amanda had come to me a few weeks ago and expressed her anxiousness for her mom and feeling like she wasn’t doing all she could to help herself.  Alarm bells rang in my head and I cautioned her, knowing how hard the recovery was for Rich and also knowing Pat just needed love and support and that Amanda would not want memories like mine.  I hope her memories are fond and tender and that she won’t beat herself up every once in a while because she learned the hard way.  There are so many times I wish that I had done something, thought something, felt something differently and yet I’m grateful for the atonement which has allowed me to experience real life and grow through those experiences and yet know that because of the atonement he can heal the wounds that I have caused to Him and to others...and even myself.

In contrast, in my own personal struggles, I have been blessed beyond words with love and support, kindness and patience, tenderness, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and service by those around me and especially by those I love so much.  How in the world did I get to be so blessed????  Someday I will see my beloved Mother who sacrificed everything for me and loves me unconditionally...with a mother’s love like no one I have ever known loves.  I am so grateful for her...for her teaching, example, patience, charity, wisdom, support...for loving me.  Mom - I can’t wait to see you again!  I love you with all my heart!  I hope you’re meeting Pat...I think you’d really like her.