Priesthood in Action

Yesterday I took Dad to Church.  We went to St. Joseph's Villa where Mom was a patient and where they both served their mission.  Dad loves it there so much and I can certainly understand why.

The first time I ever went to a meeting there I was truly humbled by the simple faith of the members and the kindness of the people providing services for those who cannot do for themselves.  This entails helping the patients get from their rooms down to the chapel, passing out hymnals, passing the Sacrament, giving talks, prayers, greeting, taking the patients to Relief Society or Priesthood Meeting, and then back to their rooms, etc. The particular Sunday that I visited, a ward in the Stake was providing support for the branch.  The majority of the support came from young men and women.  It was an extraordinarily touching scene to watch as young, Aaronic Priesthood holders passed the Sacrament to the members of the branch.  There was a woman in attendance who was obviously in some state of dementia or forgetfulness.  She clung tenderly to a life-sized baby doll and would intermittently sing to it.  As the Sacrament came to her the young man helped her balance the baby doll so that she could partake of the sacrament, and even patiently helped her as she tried to get the baby doll to take the Sacrament.  Another woman was blind and another young man gently helped her by pressing the bread and water gently to her lips.  Another woman seemed almost catatonic - but as the young Aaronic Priesthood holder helped her get the emblems to her mouth it became clear that she was having difficulty even chewing so he touched her mouth and jaw ever so carefully to help her chew.   I was reminded of the Savior's love and service as I watched these young men stand in the shoes of the Master to provide the life-saving tokens of the Atonement to the "least of these".

Yesterday the ward that was helping seemed to be comprised more of middle age people...in fact I don't think I saw a youth at all.  However, the scenes played out there were just as touching as they have always been.  There was an older gentleman, perhaps in his 60's, that was wheel chair bound.  Another Brother wheeled him to the area that the Aaronic Priesthood sits so that the older gentleman could pass the Sacrament.  At first I didn't think anything of it...but after the prayer was said the scene that unfolded was truly special.  The Brother that was assisting the gentleman in the wheelchair quietly took a foam rubber "dowel" that had a slit in it the length of the dowel and placed it over the handle of the Sacrament tray.  Then he took out a velcro strap and when he had helped the man put the tray in his hand, he wrapped the strap around his hand so that he could secure his grasp around the handle of the tray.  He then pushed the gentleman to each member on his assigned route and then back to the Sacrament table where the whole scene was once again played out in preparation for the passing of the water.  It was truly humbling to see the service of both the Brother in the wheel chair AND the Brother who was assisting him.  Truly the Spirit confirmed the holiness of this sacred ordinance and I have reflected over and over on the kindness, dignity, and charity that was in evidence.

The speaker spoke on the gifts of the season and the gifts of the Spirit...and the gifts that we can give to our Savior and our Father in Heaven.  He suggested that "our life is God's gift to us....  How we live our lives is our gift to God."

Felicia and Dave came up from Provo and they, along with Brian and Lori and Dad and I had chicken fajitas for dinner.  The Dave, Felicia, and I drove up to Temple Square to see the lights.  It was beautiful...and if I knew how I would post a picture from my phone...but we know how well I know how to do that!  LOL

Dad did fairly well with only a few moments of confusion.  One of the most memorable was when he was trying to fill out a tithing slip as he prepared to go to tithing settlement.  He struggled to know the date.  I told him it was the 12th.  But, he just sat there and then said that he didn't know how to write that...I told him but he still had difficulty and so I got up and went to the table and wrote Dec. 12, 2010 and 12-12-2010 and told him that he could use either one.  However, he was having difficulty even knowing where to write it so I pointed to him where the date should go.  As he finished copying it down he said, "isn't it a shame we need to have all those numbers...but I guess that's just what you get when the Federal Gov't gets in the middle of it!"  LOL

As I watched him really struggle and work to make his appointment for tithing settlement, go to the church twice, and face his uncertainty in trying to fill out the slip I marvelled at the goodness of this man who is my father.  He pushed to be able to complete this year and to declare his love for the Lord, despite infirmity or confusion.  What a tremendous example he has been to me.  I don't know why I have been lucky enough, or blessed enough, to have him and Mom be my parents - but I am certainly grateful they are.  I really am like Nephi of old!

Lewy Body Dementia

Yesterday, when I went to the Utah Alzheimer's Association, the woman I spoke to suggested that I do some research into Lewy Body Dementia because it might be a better fit for Dad's diagnosis than Alzheimer's.  Late last night I had a chance to do some of the research and it seems to me that this is a perfect description of what may be happening to Dad.  It explains the great fluctuations and variations in Dad's alertness and confusion, his dreams - that have gone on for so many year, the shuffling of his feet and the falls, his hallucinations, and even his sensitivity to meds used to treat his dementia.  I hope that we are able to get him into the University of Utah's diagnostic center asap.  The outcome for the disease is not all that dissimilar from Alzheimer's but I am hoping that there are things to do that, given and accurate diagnosis, my actually improve his quality of life.

Felicia came up from Provo with Dave and we went to dinner.  It was sure nice to meet him and he seems like a very nice young man.

Alzheimer's

This morning I went out with Mike to his neighborhood rec center again.  I put in 5 miles on the recumbent bike and then went swimming for about 30+ minutes and then headed back to his home for breakfast.  I think tomorrow I might try just doing laps and see how that goes.  The gym I go to has no dedicated lanes for lap swimming and so I haven't tried it - I will at least give it a try.  They say you should mix up your work outs and this will definitely do that!  LOL

When I came back here I went to check on Derk.  He was barely holding his own.  He had a colonoscopy this afternoon - they biopsied his color (approx.  2 feet were highly inflamed)  - and he has more tests scheduled for Monday and next Friday.  Hopefully they will have some of the results back soon and we'll know a little more.

This afternoon I went over to the Utah Alzheimer's Association to see what resources they could tell me about.  The lady (Calleen) was extraordinarily helpful.  I am so grateful that there are associations like this one and people like Calleen who can help point us in directions for help that we don't even know exist and give aid and comfort as we face the challenges that will inevitably come our way - and so that we can help Dad get through what has to be some of the most terrifying moments he will have ever faced.

Tonight Brian fixed chicken enchiladas for supper and Dad got up to get glasses for some drink - but he looked absolutely helpless as he tried to find the glasses.  He finally explained to me, as he opened the frige, stove, and drawers, that he didn't know where they were - especially since all the cupboards had been changed.  LOL

I spent the better part of the afternoon/evening calling and talking to Brad, Mike, Chad, and Jim about the information I had learned from the Alzheimer's Association and trying to get possible dates that we can all meet with the clinical social worker at the Association to learn about the disease, its' progression, and resources and other particulars that we need to know about so that we can make informed decisions on Dad's behalf.  We are all united in trying to help Dad in whatever way we need...but there is strong disagreement about the diagnosis and even about the progression of the disease.  Hopefully we will all benefit by this meeting and we'll all be on the same page from here on out.

I received good news from Desi this morning - it seems Emily's eyes are working the best that they ever have!  What a blessing and what a gift!  She has been through so much.  I hope that things just continue to improve.

As I checked in with Brad this afternoon I had a chance to catch up with Tristen - she sure looked good even though I am sure she is ready to have her little one.  Hopefully she will have the baby this week and all will go well...and for Brittany too!   How fun it will be for two little cousins (actually - I guess they will be second cousins) to be born so close to one another and to be able to know one another - what a blessing!

I'm missing Rich tonight - not like I don't miss him every night - just that tonight I really would like to have him here....  The 22nd can't come soon enough!

Salt Lake

I arrived in Salt Lake last night after having traveled here from Wisconsin by way of Denver.  I stayed at Desi and Mike's for a few days and really enjoyed having time to relax and enjoy their little family.  We went to the rec center and played in the pool, went to Costco and Wal Mart, played with play dough, went to the Mall and looked for makeup and the kids made a bear for Ruby, ate at Red Robin, enjoyed church - especially Mike's lesson, and I even had the opportunity of being with Emily and Mordecai so that Desi and Mike could have a night out together.  It is always so much fun to visit but sadly I had to get on my way....

My trip to Salt Lake went without incident and rather quickly.  I only had yucky weather and roads between Cheyenne and Laramie - but that pass always seems to give me trouble.  I love serius radio - was able to listen to talk radio the entire trip!  The weather was cold - but my heater worked and I also had good cell reception most of the way so that I could talk to Rich and others too. 

Just as I neared Park City I received a call from Mike (my brother) wanting to know if I was on my way...LOL  He told me that he would tell Dad I was about a half hour out and as I drove in Dad was standing outside in the cold, waiting for me.  It was pretty tender.

I wanted to get to Costco for a few things and so I invited Dad to join me and surprisingly he decided to join me.  It was in this venue that I could see the continued onslaught of the Alzheimer's.  In my research of the disease I have learned that visio-spatial capacities are the first signs of the disease and it was in full evidence as Dad tried with all diligence to navigate the cart down the aisles - but he really had difficulty keeping it in the aisle and not hitting the shelves.  He also had great difficulty in opening the freezer doors - most often he was standing in front of them and then tried to open them - he seemed confused about how to move his body so that it would allow him to fully open the door to get to the food.  His gait is perhaps only about 6" - more of a shuffle than a walk - this makes the time it takes to walk an aisle very long and going from one end of the store to another very arduous on him and others around him.  I am not sure what has caused the unusual gait pattern - almost walking on his heels - but I think it may have some bearing in his balance issues.

When we got home he was able to stay engaged in our conversations and seemed to really enjoy the sociality.  However, as the night wore on you could tell that the trip had taken its toll and he was tired.  He fell asleep in his chair and at one point he woke up, stood in the middle of the family room holding a conversation with someone...after a time he turned and saw me and looked kind of sheepish and said, "I must have been talking to that chair."  I don't know if it was confusion, hallucination, or visual difficulties that were at the heart of the matter.

Today I woke early and headed to Mike and Shauna's so that I could go with them to their rec center to work out.  I really enjoyed my time there and it felt so good to be back in the gym.  Afterward I had breakfast with them and then headed home.  I stopped at Derk's to see how he was doing as Dad had told me he had been very ill - but he was on his way for a scope of his stomach.  So I came home but Dad was in his room with the door closed and I thought he might be napping so I went to check in on Lexie.  I had the opportunity to get caught up on their family and to talk politics for a while before I headed back to Dad's. 

I had some lunch and then Dad asked if I would take him to the Credit Union and to the store - so off we went.  We ended up at Wal Mart and Dad decided that he wanted to go in to look for his Orange Crush.  He did pretty well although all the people, aisles, and products seemed a little overwhelming for him.

We came home and watched a little tv and relaxed.  There was one incident that caused me a little concern as Dad wanted to get something that was on the piano in the living room.  We were sitting in the family room.  He stood up, shuffled a few feet and then seemed genuinely confused.  I asked him if he needed anything and he told me that he wanted to go to the piano but he continued to just stand there.  I asked him if he wanted me to get it and he said that he could do it but that he just didn't know where he was.  I tried to clarify so I asked him if he wanted to go to the piano.  He said yes but that he just didn't know where he was so that he could get there.  I pointed to the living room and that seemed to give him some direction and he shuffled on.

In the early eveningI tried to get a hold of Derk - to no avail - so I drove over but no one was home.  I then drove back to Brad and Lexie's and got phone numbers and talked to Julia - the scope revealed a very inflamed stomach and they will do a colonoscopy tomorrow.  I came back to Dad's and Laurie and Brian had supper ready and we enjoyed spending some time just chatting.  I am tired tonight and I know that Rich is too as we both had a late night last night (he was tutoring me on how to send docs back to Felicia - he said it was very painful! LOL).  Hopefully everyone we love has had a great day and will sleep well tonight.

Musings

Today I made some peanut brittle for Philip, meant to get it done when everyone was at the reunion, went to Miller and Sons to buy soda for Rich and got 2 liters each for the kids, and then headed off for Colorado.

It is bittersweet to leave Wanda and Robert and Philip and Hannah and their little families. I wish I lived closer so that I could have more frequent contact. I wish I could have that same privilege with Cherstin and Dan, Joey and Carlie, Desi and Mike, and Felicia. Somehow I didn't really anticipate the day when they would be gone. I had children because I love them...and I am thrilled about the choices they are making in their lives and how they are raising their children...just not thrilled to live so far away! However, on the bright side, if I didn't live so far away I wouldn't have the privilege of visiting them in their homes (night and day) and that gives me a wonderful opportunity to share memories in a different way. I was sharing with Bekah and Rachel that I had learned to play Dr. Mario as a result of visiting with Wanda and Robert every time a new baby came to them...it has taken me 12 years to learn to play the game! LOL

The trip west is a long one. I have stopped for the night in Lincoln, Nebraska. I was traveling just fine until it got dark...I feel concerned and frustrated by my night vision. The lights are blurry and have halos around them - doesn't matter if it is the tail lights on a vehicle or store signs. I am having difficulty determining distance as a result and unable to read the signs as well. I am assuming it is the effects of the cataracts - diffusing the light. I don't know for sure...but I think I am going to have to get back to my eye dr. when I get back to Tennessee.

I talked to Brad for a few minutes. I am having difficulty talking with Dad - he doesn't answer his cell and can't seem to hear me on his home phone. So I called Brad. He is concerned for Nathan, Jessican and Baily still and my heart goes out to them. Worries never really end and sometimes it is difficult to have faith...especially in the midst of difficulties.

Desi had her ob appointment and ultrasound today. The baby's kidneys are still enlarged but there is no worsening. I think Desi felt better about this visit. She is scheduled for another ultrasound in three weeks.

Driving gives me lots of time to think, duh! As the miles rolled on I reflected on some of the things I have learned about love and relationships during the course of my life. I remember feeling, as a young child, an overwhelming love for everyone. It seemed that love was "heavenly" in nature...a result of my life with my Father in Heaven and the fact that I had just recently left that abode. Over the years those feelings and the understanding of the eternal nature of our lives have stayed fairly constant...but too often the "natural woman" has overtaken me.

I think I have begun to learn that the Lord really does have the answers...something I have always known...but not something that I have always sought with the diligence I should. I picked up a book entitled The Love Dare a few years ago. It is the story of a couple with marital difficulties, on the verge of divorce. The premise is that loving and doing, as the Lord would have us do, can change and heal relationships. It is scripturally based and has steps to take that require an individual to act in faith. I read it after having been separated from Rich while he was working in South Carolina and Tennessee...it seemed that our time apart had taken a toll...each of us had gotten used to doing our "own thing," so to speak. I wasn't really worried that we were on the brink of divorce...but I knew that we weren't always on the same page and that conflict would be the result if we weren't careful.

Over the last year, as I have struggled to overcome my extreme obesity (my relationship with myself), I have more and more come to realize that the Lord has the answers to this challenge as well. Turning to the Lord, seeking His face, honoring my covenants, and employing the atonement really is the answer to every difficulty. These aren't just platitudes - but realities.

Too often the world would have us believe that the problems we face are the result of others and their actions. There is truth there - but I am finding that more and more the problems are a result of my own relationship with my Savior and my Father in Heaven. When I focus my attention on Him and His Son my relationship with myself and with His children (whether Rich, my Dad, my children, grandchildren, or even a stranger) inevitably improves. The world would have us believe that our situation and our relationships would change if external change occured - if the other person just changed this or that or if there were more money or yada, yada, yada. This philosphy is "the philosophy of man mingled with scripture." It ignores the reality that we have the power to change our circumstances and relationships, through the atonement, and that change affects everything and everyone within our sphere of influence and it is a source of great joy and happiness to us, those within our sphere, and our Father in Heaven. It takes faith to believe that the answers really are as simple as the Lord teaches us...it is easier to believe that someone else needs to change than to exercise our faith in Him because that requires us to act and accept responsibility for our actions - to focus on our becoming who we should be rather than judging another. Sometimes I wonder how the Lord hasn't just thrown up His hands in frustration as I have been so slow to learn...I am so grateful for His redeeming love.