Musings

Today I made some peanut brittle for Philip, meant to get it done when everyone was at the reunion, went to Miller and Sons to buy soda for Rich and got 2 liters each for the kids, and then headed off for Colorado.

It is bittersweet to leave Wanda and Robert and Philip and Hannah and their little families. I wish I lived closer so that I could have more frequent contact. I wish I could have that same privilege with Cherstin and Dan, Joey and Carlie, Desi and Mike, and Felicia. Somehow I didn't really anticipate the day when they would be gone. I had children because I love them...and I am thrilled about the choices they are making in their lives and how they are raising their children...just not thrilled to live so far away! However, on the bright side, if I didn't live so far away I wouldn't have the privilege of visiting them in their homes (night and day) and that gives me a wonderful opportunity to share memories in a different way. I was sharing with Bekah and Rachel that I had learned to play Dr. Mario as a result of visiting with Wanda and Robert every time a new baby came to them...it has taken me 12 years to learn to play the game! LOL

The trip west is a long one. I have stopped for the night in Lincoln, Nebraska. I was traveling just fine until it got dark...I feel concerned and frustrated by my night vision. The lights are blurry and have halos around them - doesn't matter if it is the tail lights on a vehicle or store signs. I am having difficulty determining distance as a result and unable to read the signs as well. I am assuming it is the effects of the cataracts - diffusing the light. I don't know for sure...but I think I am going to have to get back to my eye dr. when I get back to Tennessee.

I talked to Brad for a few minutes. I am having difficulty talking with Dad - he doesn't answer his cell and can't seem to hear me on his home phone. So I called Brad. He is concerned for Nathan, Jessican and Baily still and my heart goes out to them. Worries never really end and sometimes it is difficult to have faith...especially in the midst of difficulties.

Desi had her ob appointment and ultrasound today. The baby's kidneys are still enlarged but there is no worsening. I think Desi felt better about this visit. She is scheduled for another ultrasound in three weeks.

Driving gives me lots of time to think, duh! As the miles rolled on I reflected on some of the things I have learned about love and relationships during the course of my life. I remember feeling, as a young child, an overwhelming love for everyone. It seemed that love was "heavenly" in nature...a result of my life with my Father in Heaven and the fact that I had just recently left that abode. Over the years those feelings and the understanding of the eternal nature of our lives have stayed fairly constant...but too often the "natural woman" has overtaken me.

I think I have begun to learn that the Lord really does have the answers...something I have always known...but not something that I have always sought with the diligence I should. I picked up a book entitled The Love Dare a few years ago. It is the story of a couple with marital difficulties, on the verge of divorce. The premise is that loving and doing, as the Lord would have us do, can change and heal relationships. It is scripturally based and has steps to take that require an individual to act in faith. I read it after having been separated from Rich while he was working in South Carolina and Tennessee...it seemed that our time apart had taken a toll...each of us had gotten used to doing our "own thing," so to speak. I wasn't really worried that we were on the brink of divorce...but I knew that we weren't always on the same page and that conflict would be the result if we weren't careful.

Over the last year, as I have struggled to overcome my extreme obesity (my relationship with myself), I have more and more come to realize that the Lord has the answers to this challenge as well. Turning to the Lord, seeking His face, honoring my covenants, and employing the atonement really is the answer to every difficulty. These aren't just platitudes - but realities.

Too often the world would have us believe that the problems we face are the result of others and their actions. There is truth there - but I am finding that more and more the problems are a result of my own relationship with my Savior and my Father in Heaven. When I focus my attention on Him and His Son my relationship with myself and with His children (whether Rich, my Dad, my children, grandchildren, or even a stranger) inevitably improves. The world would have us believe that our situation and our relationships would change if external change occured - if the other person just changed this or that or if there were more money or yada, yada, yada. This philosphy is "the philosophy of man mingled with scripture." It ignores the reality that we have the power to change our circumstances and relationships, through the atonement, and that change affects everything and everyone within our sphere of influence and it is a source of great joy and happiness to us, those within our sphere, and our Father in Heaven. It takes faith to believe that the answers really are as simple as the Lord teaches us...it is easier to believe that someone else needs to change than to exercise our faith in Him because that requires us to act and accept responsibility for our actions - to focus on our becoming who we should be rather than judging another. Sometimes I wonder how the Lord hasn't just thrown up His hands in frustration as I have been so slow to learn...I am so grateful for His redeeming love.