When I was a young child General Conference was a three day affair...in all probability it was more likely a whole week with the broadcasts only on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  I vaguely remember my mother having meetings for the various auxiliaries that she had callings in during the week - they were held in the Church Offices and R.S. buildings and put on by the General Church leadership.  I remember coming home from school on Friday and Mom would be so excited to share a talk that had been important to her...or I was hushed so she could finish listening to the talk.  LOL

Somewhere, sometime it was changed to the two days of sessions that we currently enjoy and now I always think back about how glad I was to have conference over then as I feel sad for how quickly it will be over now.  And, today Rich and I made preparations to enjoy this weekend to the fullest.

Rich invited a good friend, Emily Sammons, and her husband to watch conference with us here at home.  They have usually gone to the Church and we were a little bit reluctant to invite because we know they have family in the area and didn't want to intrude on family time.  However, Rich extended the invitation today and they accepted.  I have been wondering what kinds of food we ought to have because it seems like we ought to have the old standbys - but being on Eastern Daylight Time - maybe not...and all the plans I had for tomorrow have died as tonight Julio, Rich's counselor, was supposed to have his guys over to our home for a cooking group (they were supposed to learn how to make burritos) but not one showed up.  I had cooked a tri-tip all afternoon so that they could have shredded beef burritos, but since that didn't get used it needs to be eaten...so I think that's what we'll have for lunch tomorrow - or between sessions more specifically.

This afternoon Rich and I went to Sam's to get a few extra items for the Priesthood Session.  He is bringing cookies, pie, and ice cream for their little social prior to the session.  We had picked up the bulk of items yesterday at Costco when we were in Chatanooga but we knew we'd want a few things (i.e. peanut butter cookies and double chocolate chocolate chip cookies and the ice cream) from Sam's.  While we were there he found a small TV for the office and a blue-ray player for the family room - both were a very good deal.  I'm hopeful that once we get the office set up we will find ourselves "anxiously engaged" in genealogy and getting through the boxes and boxes of things I have brought home from Mom and Dads'.  I think the TV will help that happen - go figure!  LOL

Today I had a chance to talk to Dad.  I had spent quite some time talking to Mike last night and knew that he was feeling very anxious and worried about Dad and wondering if we'd made the right decision.  As I talked to Dad I was sensitive to those feelings and wondered how I would feel and what my impressions would be.  To be honest - I hearken back to the family conference call on Wednesday morning and I cannot deny the sweetness of Shauna's prayer and the powerful impressions that we were being attended to by heavenly hosts.  It is unusual for us to have unanimity in anything and yet we were one.  All of that was turned upside down when Dad seemed to be coming out of the fog and haze he had been in...but as I listened intently to Dad today I knew the decisions we had made were the right ones and that the time frame may be a little different but the outcome would still be the same...Dad is slipping away and will soon be returning to our Heavenly Home to be with Mom, his parents, Tony, and our Savior and Heavenly Father.  We will miss him...but in reality...it will be a joyous thing.  He said, as late as last Sunday, that he felt like he was in jail and he didn't think he could "do this" any longer...I don't think he'll have to and I am grateful for that.

My knees are very, very stiff and painful still.  This round of synvisc seems to be like the round two times ago.  It was many weeks before I was able to get around.  I'm wondering how I will survive another set of injections on Wednesday but I know that I need to have them or I will never have the relief I so desparately seek.  Right now I am living on hydrocodone and voltaren gel and wondering how many more times I can go through this before I actually have to have the replacements...not too many I think.   I'm sure glad I didn't have the 3 in 1 shot!

Well - it is nearly 11 p.m. so I am hitting the hay - I want to get up early and see if I can get some weeding done before conference...I may not if my legs aren't any better...but I can hope!

Time

This morning, as I sit at my desk to write this, I have such a mixture of emotions and memories.  Time seems to stand still and yet seems to be whirling in rushing eddies down Mill Creek Canyon, all at the same time.  Today, more than many days, I realize that things will soon change and I wish I had done a better job at preserving memories in my daily blog or journal entries.  I remember thinking I will never forget this...but now I wonder what I actually have forgotten and will never recall...at least in this life.  I'm wondering why the prophets and the Lord's counsel to keep a journal has been so casually kept...starting and stopping hundreds of time throughout my life.  Did I not deem it important?  I guess that's not true or I wouldn't have started so many times.  Was it lack of will power...very likely I suppose...exhaustion and lack of habit combined with good intentions but no action have led me here.

How I wish I could go back and read the doings of this day throughout my life - March 30th - what would I find?  How many little acts of kindness have I not recorded or cannot be grateful for because I don't remember them?  How many funny things did my children say that are long forgotten?  What frustrations, irritations, and difficulties did I face and overcome that made me what I am today?  How many poignant moments with loved ones will never be captured except in the sinews and tissues of my body and mind as a collective record?  As with all repentance - I can change - but I will never be able to recapture those precious days...days with my Mom and Dad, brothers and sister-in-laws, my wonderful eternal companion, my precious children and their spouses and my adorable grandchildren, or even neighbors, friends, and acquaintances.

Today I sit here and contemplate my Dad's life and my experiences with him...knowing that there are not many more days to spend with him.  I am torn between genuine health issues here and thousands of miles of travel to get to him.  I'm worried to leave Rich...I know it is crazy and that he'll be okay...but the worry engulfs my heart and brings me to tears.  More than ever I realize that our days are numbered as well...but Dad's are soon to be gone entirely.  What if I wait too long?   Have I already waited too long?  Time...always ticking, always moving, never standing still.