Today was the day we've been waiting for, but dreading. My anxiety level was pretty high last night and this morning as well. The unknown can be a exciting or worrisome, and I was definitely more worried than excited. Rich was so comforting and I just wanted to be cocooned away instead of facing it. It reminded me of my first knee surgery - as we drove out of the driveway that morning I said something like, "We can just call and cancel it...it'd be ok." Rich's response was a thundering, "Nope! We're going through with this! You've been hurting too long!" And off we drove...and it was brutal but it gave me my life back!
This morning he was tender and supportive - he's so good for me!
There was the obligatory mountain of paperwork to fill out as a new patient and then we were ushered into the exam room. Nerves! Nerves! Nerves! Seemed like forever (it wasn't) but when we finally met Dr. Thompson I was instantly at ease...and I think Rich was too.
Dr. Thompson told us right up front that the pathology report was not yet complete but he had contacted the pathologist doing the report and learned that the mass is indeed cancer - leiomyosarcoma - a class of cancers known as sarcomas. He told us that it had been there for several years - at least two or three - and is very slow growing. It also has no metatastic activity right now and that is a good thing! The only reason I know about it now is that it has grown to the point where it is causing me the grief that made me seek out treatment.
The usual treatment is surgical removal but this mass has wrapped itself around and through the liver, pancreas, gallbladder, etc. and so surgery is probably not the best answer, although it hasn't been completely ruled out.
The pathologist is sending the report and samples somewhere for an "advanced directive" - I don't think that's the correct term but essentially it is a place that does the tests necessary to determine the best possible treatment for the type and location of the mass. There is a possibility that there might be therapy that would, in a sense, turn off the gene that causes the cancer to grow and even matastecize. In the meantime they will do a pet scan to try and see where this came from as it is a smooth muscle type of cancer (found usually in ligaments, cartilage, connective tissue, uterine walls, bone, etc) but wasn't found in the scan they initially did so perhaps it is somewhere else.
In the meantime he told me to relax and enjoy life to the fullest. He told me that this wasn't a result of something I had done or not done...it just is. I was relieved with that piece of info! He told me they will need to treat it agressively but right now they have the time to find the entire scope of what is going on and also the best treatment. I will meet with him on the 18th, after the pet scan and pathology reports are back. He talked about sending me to a clinic at Vanderbilt (in Nashville) where they treat just sarcomas, once they have everything back...but that isn't for sure either.
Perhaps the best news is what it is NOT! He told us that if you had a hundred doctors study my scan the vast majority would conclude it was pancreatic cancer. Some would conclude it was colon cancer, and a small number might think it was gallbladder cancer. NONE would have guessed this - I guess it's quite rare. If it had been pancreatic cancer my life expectancy would have been somewhere between 1-6 months! Dr. Thompson said it was a "big, gnarly, ugly mass" though!
Needless to say - I feel so very grateful that this isn't worse! I have no idea what the outcome will be in the long term....but I'm feeling extraordinarily blessed to have each day! I can truly say I feel the power of the prayers from all who have called upon the Lord for me. And I know that the priesthood power is real. And mostly, I KNOW that I am a "beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents". Who could ask for more than that?
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