Thanks Desi for re-designing my blog...Cherstin called while you and I were chatting and asked what was wrong with it...I had to chuckle and tell here that you had already done it.  She laughed and said it looked great.  I agree!

Last Monday morning I said my prayers and told Heavenly Father something like, "I love the gospel and am grateful for my membership in the Church.  Please help me be mindful and recognize when and where I might stand as witness of Thee and be and instrument in Thy hands."  The day went beautifully and I really didn't think much more about my prayer until later that evening when Brother White, a member of our Bishopric, called and asked if I would teach half of the 5th Sunday lesson.  I told Brother White I would be happy to help - but caught myself thinking Happy????  But then I realized what my prayer had been and I really am happy to do whatever I can...but I knew the rest of the week I would be stewing about it and reading and studying and praying and stewing and reading and studying and praying.  LOL  I guess the moral of this story is to be careful what you pray for!  LOL

So - all week long I did stew, read, study, and pray -my topic was on the Prophetic Priorities that the Stake Presidents have been taught by the General Authorities.  When Brother White was talking to me on the phone the thought occurred to me to address family councils.  All week long, as I stewed, read, studied, and prayed the thought wouldn't leave.  As I sat down last night to try and put together some kind of outline I felt the calm assurance that I had my mission from the Lord.  Today I would say that it was one of the easiest lessons I have ever given and I hope that the Lord is pleased and that there was something said or confirmed to someone in the class, besides myself, that will be of use.

I utilized Alma 48-50 - can I just say that I really love the war chapters of the Book of Mormon???  When I was younger I would gloss over them, thinking there was not much there.  Oh, I knew that the Lord wouldn't have had Mormon put them in if they weren't important - but I also knew that I would have to dig and I didn't have what it takes to do that, I guess.  Anyway, I remember going to a meeting with the General R.S. President once and she related to us that when she and her presidency were called, the prophet counseled them to study the war chapters and use what they received from their study as a basis for their administration.  I also remember President Benson counseling us to study the last few decades prior to Christ's coming as they were parallels for our time - and they are the war chapters of Alma and Helaman!  I know that there is so much more to learn and my studying and pondering this week have caused me to want to go back there and dig.  I am so grateful for the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith, Oliver Cowdery, Martin Harris, and Emma, for the Book of Mormon prophets and their families...what sacrifices they have made so that we can escape the destruction of the adversary if we will just heed and be faithful.

Battle For My Soul

Cherstin or Desi - whichever of you might read this first - would you please re-do my blog?????  Please????  I tried but undid what I did because it didn't do what I thought I remembered Desi showing me to do...and I didn't want to have to go through what Desi had to go through to undo the craziness that I had done on the last one trying to do it by myself...as if I could anyway...tech challenged!  Fun, pretty, cute, doesn't matter - just something different than Christmas, okay?  Please!!!  Consider it help for the aged!!!  LOL

I thought I would update about Rich's health, especially since I caused quite a stir by not doing that last week.  We saw our PCP this week, she did an EKG and his heart is back in sinus rhythm.  Yea!!!!  His beat is still a little irregular but that may never be different because of the branch bundle pathway in his heart - which is genetic.  His blood pressure was perfect, as was his pulse and so she cleared him to continue exercising and to stay off the meds they took him off - at least until he sees his new cardiologist on the 7th.  Obviously, he needs to be careful and ease into this, being aware of his body, but he is able to exercise and should.  He had also dropped a pound and she was pleased about that - he has just had a slow but continued drop in weight and that is probably what spurred all of the problems - his meds need to change, whether it is dosage or maybe not even needing some them.  It is so remarkable to me to remember where he was in November - not even 15 months ago - and to see him today.  I am very grateful for his life and for the improvement in his health.  On a side note - he saw his pulmonologist in December and his FEV1 was at 40% - the best that it has been in literally YEARS!!!!   

So - he and I have been going to the gym every evening after work.  He has been walking on the treadmill and I have been riding the recumbent bike.  Yesterday he put in 3 miles and I did 13.5 miles and then swam for 40 min.  Today I think I am going to change that though - we have been going to the gym after I pick him up from work - but that means that we're not eating until 9-10 at night.  I think we need to reverse the order so we will eat first and then go...and come home for a little protein snack afterward rather than a full meal.  This is my analysis as I have noted that neither he nor I have lost any weight so far this week and I think the late meals may be the reason - although I also think my body does better with morning exercise - but we'll have to see how that goes in a week or so.  I really enjoy going with Rich and we are having a blast.  We also enjoy the fact that we can walk or use the bike in the "movie" room at the gym and we sure have caught movies that we haven't seen.  Yesterday we watched "Old Dogs" - a Walt Disney movie with John Travolta and Robin Williams.  We hadn't seen it because neither Rich nor I are really fans of Robin Williams - but we laughed and did enjoy it while we pedaled along. 

On Wednesday Rich had an appointment with his trainer at lunch time and I had an appointment with mine at 1 pm. so we went together and I went to the movie room while Rich was working with his trainer.  They were showing the last Indiana Jones movie and I was just pedaling along, but there came a scary part and I jumped and let out my proverbial scream - I was relieved that there were only about 5 people in there but they all laughed!  I was glad that it was dark because I was pretty red faced!  LOL

Wednesday, as I was working with my trainer, I couldn't help but notice how many older and elderly clients were working with trainers.  There were people with canes and walkers and even crutches.  And we come in all shapes, sizes, and weights.  There are plenty, plenty, PLENTY of young, buff, energetic people working out too but it nice to see people our ages and older working to maintain or improve health.  I had to hearken back to April and realize how far I have come - then I could barely hobble from the front door of Wal Mart to the motorized carts.  Now I walk the store with relative ease and many days I am medication free...that's saying something.  I still have a very long way to go - but this isn't a race and it is something that I will have to do for the rest of my life.  I can feel the difference when I don't get the exercise in for a few days - my joints stiffen terribly and the pain returns with a vengeance.

I have been reading and studying a talk given by Melvin J. Ballard in 1921 and reprinted in the New Era in 1984 entitled, "Struggle for the Soul."  Wow!  Talk about prophetic!!!  It has given me much to ponder and I have been considering the counsel and warning as it applies to me.  I don't have much problem with pornography, prostitutes, gambling, drinking, drugs, or the like.  However, I have long struggled with weight and exercise.  Part of that struggle is genetics, getting the correct diet for my body, understanding true body functioning principles, etc.  But I have long felt that this was a battle for my soul.  In fact, when Dr. May told me that I needed to consider gastric bypass because what I was and had been doing wasn't working and I was a train wreck waiting to happen,  I told her that I felt that this was something that I needed to battle, something I needed to overcome.  I told her that I couldn't ever see me eating just 2-3 tablespoons of food for the rest of my life, and I have known many people who have had the procedure (or some type like it) but never known it to not have unintended consequences and side effects (some life threatening) and I had never known anyone to get to their goals and to keep the weight off.  The truth is that it is still a battle, no matter how radical the surgery to alter the body.  Mentally and spiritually you still have to subjugate the body - and if you don't you will still lose the battle. 

Elder Ballard explains doctrinally why it is so important to fight the battle and win.  He explains what is at stake and how the adversary uses our lusts, appetites, and passions to destroy us.  He talks about the soul being made up of our spirit and our body - and that we came to this earth to receive a body so that we could become like our Father in Heaven - on condition that we (our spirits) are able to subdue, subjugate, and control our bodies.  If we don't do that then our bodies have control and Satan will use our bodily appetites, passions, lusts, and weaknesses to bring our spirits under his control - to destroy our freedom to act for ourselves - to be in his power - to win the battle he is in against the Lord.  Obviously we know the outcome of that battle - but the battle for our own souls is in doubt if we yield to the temptations of the devil.  Truly, Satan doesn't care about us - he just cares about thwarting our Father in Heaven and winning the war he started so long ago - we are just collateral damage to him.  How grateful I am to the Lord for his prophets who teach and warn me, for the Atonement, for my body that can and will respond to my spirit no matter how inexperienced and weak my strength to do so is at this moment, that I know that as I increase my efforts and consistency that my spirit will gain more and more strength and control, and that my Heavenly Father wants me to win this battle and will do everything in His power to help me - if I will just call on Him for His aid and do my part.   How cool is that????   Thanks to my Father in Heaven, right now I am winning that battle one day, one moment, one mouthful, one step at a time. 

Training and Rich

Rich and I have been talking about consolidating our gym membership and usage for a while now and we finally did it.  We joined National Fitness Club and it is just a little over a mile from home - wouldn't be that if it weren't for our winding roads!  LOL 

Part of our membership package is a free assessment about where you are, fitness goals, and to help you get to know some of the machines, etc.  One of the other other reasons, I'm sure, is to try and get you to hook into their trainers. 

Well - I have been talking about getting a trainer for a while and Rich had one at the cardio-pulmonary rehab at the hospital and since we're a little anxious about our transition we decided to go with one of the training packages and see what it can do for us. 

When Rich had his assessment he had barely done any of the exercises when he became ashen color, very dizzy and light headed.  The trainers thought it was probably low blood sugar as he hadn't eaten for a few hours before coming.  He was so out of it and miserable.  They gave him some orange juice, let him lay down for a few minutes, and then I took him to eat and over a little while the episode subsided.  We figured it must have been the low blood sugar.  However, yesterday he went to his regular trainer appointment and had the same reaction.  This time I got him to the car (he actually wanted me to call 911 - that's how miserable he was) and drove him to the ER - less than a mile away.  I was a little concerned that the episode would have faded like the previous one did, by the time we got there and into the ER - but it hadn't.  His blood pressure was 80/50, pulse was 46, and his pulse ox was 82.  No wonder he was light headed!  The ekg revealed no "p waves" meaning that the heart wasn't beating in the right place.  They ran bunches of blood labs, more ekgs, ct scans and xrays.  I really liked the ER dr.  I learned more from him in the few minutes we had to see him than in all the time we have seen Dr. Sharma, Rich's cardiologist.  In the end, the ER doc gave us a choice of having him admitted or coming home, resting, and checking in with Sharma this morning.  We opted for the latter, even though we have no confidence in getting through and seeing Sharma today.  We both think it would be a good thing to try and find another cardiologist - one that isn't so difficult to get in to and one that seems to know Rich. 

Well - calls to Sharma's office did go through - the person who took Rich's call said they would pull his record from last night and get right back with him - that was 3 hours ago - still no word.

New Gym and Glory Hallelujah

Rich and I have been gym shopping this week.  It is something that we have been discussing for a while - I love the gym I started with, the patrons, the staff, etc. but 32 miles a day is a ridiculous amount of wear and tear on a vehicle, gas expense, and time when there is a perfectly good gym less than a mile from home.  I have been trying out the different gyms to try and get a feel but tonight we bit the bullet and enrolled at National Fitness.  It was actually fortuitous as they were running a new year's promotion which waved the enrollment fee.  All in all we ended up saving money as both our memberships is only $10 more than my old one and Rich's membership at the cardio-pulmonary rehab had a co-pay every time he went.  I especially like the idea that we'll be able to go workout together - although anyone who knows us may question how that will really work out since I am becoming more and more of a morning person and Rich is becoming more and more of a night person!  LOL 

It is interesting for me to note how much better I do with daily exercise.  It just isn't about the weight loss, but it is about the flexability, range of motion, endurance, strength, and the endorphins.  Everytime I think about "endorphins" I think about the scene in "Legally Blonde" where Elle is talking about the fitness guru they are defending and she says something to the effect that, "exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don't shoot their husbands...they just don't!"  I think one of the things that I am most surprised about is how true that is - I really do have a happier, more calm, even relaxed feeling when I am exercising regularly and I notice the difference in how my body responds physically too.  Who would have guessed that at 57 I would have become a gym rat?!?!?  LOL

I would like to think that I will be able to achieve my weight loss goal this year but I'm really not worried too much about it as I know that with consistent exercise and good nutrition I should manage to get healthier each and every day.  So, I wonder where I will be in December 2011...but I am not worried about it...and that's a good thing.

Today is Glory's 10th birthday.  I remember grimacing a little when Carlie and Joey first told me that they were going to name her "Glory".  I guess I couldn't quite imagine it - why not "Gloria" or something more conventional was my initial reaction.  However, it wasn't long before I had not only gotten used to the name but really embraced it.  I still think of the phrase "Glory, glory Hallalujah!" whenever I say her name - but I truly rejoice in her birth and life!  Our family would just not be the same without her!  Hallalujah she is ours!  Happy Birthday, Glory!!! 

Priesthood in Action

Yesterday I took Dad to Church.  We went to St. Joseph's Villa where Mom was a patient and where they both served their mission.  Dad loves it there so much and I can certainly understand why.

The first time I ever went to a meeting there I was truly humbled by the simple faith of the members and the kindness of the people providing services for those who cannot do for themselves.  This entails helping the patients get from their rooms down to the chapel, passing out hymnals, passing the Sacrament, giving talks, prayers, greeting, taking the patients to Relief Society or Priesthood Meeting, and then back to their rooms, etc. The particular Sunday that I visited, a ward in the Stake was providing support for the branch.  The majority of the support came from young men and women.  It was an extraordinarily touching scene to watch as young, Aaronic Priesthood holders passed the Sacrament to the members of the branch.  There was a woman in attendance who was obviously in some state of dementia or forgetfulness.  She clung tenderly to a life-sized baby doll and would intermittently sing to it.  As the Sacrament came to her the young man helped her balance the baby doll so that she could partake of the sacrament, and even patiently helped her as she tried to get the baby doll to take the Sacrament.  Another woman was blind and another young man gently helped her by pressing the bread and water gently to her lips.  Another woman seemed almost catatonic - but as the young Aaronic Priesthood holder helped her get the emblems to her mouth it became clear that she was having difficulty even chewing so he touched her mouth and jaw ever so carefully to help her chew.   I was reminded of the Savior's love and service as I watched these young men stand in the shoes of the Master to provide the life-saving tokens of the Atonement to the "least of these".

Yesterday the ward that was helping seemed to be comprised more of middle age people...in fact I don't think I saw a youth at all.  However, the scenes played out there were just as touching as they have always been.  There was an older gentleman, perhaps in his 60's, that was wheel chair bound.  Another Brother wheeled him to the area that the Aaronic Priesthood sits so that the older gentleman could pass the Sacrament.  At first I didn't think anything of it...but after the prayer was said the scene that unfolded was truly special.  The Brother that was assisting the gentleman in the wheelchair quietly took a foam rubber "dowel" that had a slit in it the length of the dowel and placed it over the handle of the Sacrament tray.  Then he took out a velcro strap and when he had helped the man put the tray in his hand, he wrapped the strap around his hand so that he could secure his grasp around the handle of the tray.  He then pushed the gentleman to each member on his assigned route and then back to the Sacrament table where the whole scene was once again played out in preparation for the passing of the water.  It was truly humbling to see the service of both the Brother in the wheel chair AND the Brother who was assisting him.  Truly the Spirit confirmed the holiness of this sacred ordinance and I have reflected over and over on the kindness, dignity, and charity that was in evidence.

The speaker spoke on the gifts of the season and the gifts of the Spirit...and the gifts that we can give to our Savior and our Father in Heaven.  He suggested that "our life is God's gift to us....  How we live our lives is our gift to God."

Felicia and Dave came up from Provo and they, along with Brian and Lori and Dad and I had chicken fajitas for dinner.  The Dave, Felicia, and I drove up to Temple Square to see the lights.  It was beautiful...and if I knew how I would post a picture from my phone...but we know how well I know how to do that!  LOL

Dad did fairly well with only a few moments of confusion.  One of the most memorable was when he was trying to fill out a tithing slip as he prepared to go to tithing settlement.  He struggled to know the date.  I told him it was the 12th.  But, he just sat there and then said that he didn't know how to write that...I told him but he still had difficulty and so I got up and went to the table and wrote Dec. 12, 2010 and 12-12-2010 and told him that he could use either one.  However, he was having difficulty even knowing where to write it so I pointed to him where the date should go.  As he finished copying it down he said, "isn't it a shame we need to have all those numbers...but I guess that's just what you get when the Federal Gov't gets in the middle of it!"  LOL

As I watched him really struggle and work to make his appointment for tithing settlement, go to the church twice, and face his uncertainty in trying to fill out the slip I marvelled at the goodness of this man who is my father.  He pushed to be able to complete this year and to declare his love for the Lord, despite infirmity or confusion.  What a tremendous example he has been to me.  I don't know why I have been lucky enough, or blessed enough, to have him and Mom be my parents - but I am certainly grateful they are.  I really am like Nephi of old!

Lewy Body Dementia

Yesterday, when I went to the Utah Alzheimer's Association, the woman I spoke to suggested that I do some research into Lewy Body Dementia because it might be a better fit for Dad's diagnosis than Alzheimer's.  Late last night I had a chance to do some of the research and it seems to me that this is a perfect description of what may be happening to Dad.  It explains the great fluctuations and variations in Dad's alertness and confusion, his dreams - that have gone on for so many year, the shuffling of his feet and the falls, his hallucinations, and even his sensitivity to meds used to treat his dementia.  I hope that we are able to get him into the University of Utah's diagnostic center asap.  The outcome for the disease is not all that dissimilar from Alzheimer's but I am hoping that there are things to do that, given and accurate diagnosis, my actually improve his quality of life.

Felicia came up from Provo with Dave and we went to dinner.  It was sure nice to meet him and he seems like a very nice young man.

Alzheimer's

This morning I went out with Mike to his neighborhood rec center again.  I put in 5 miles on the recumbent bike and then went swimming for about 30+ minutes and then headed back to his home for breakfast.  I think tomorrow I might try just doing laps and see how that goes.  The gym I go to has no dedicated lanes for lap swimming and so I haven't tried it - I will at least give it a try.  They say you should mix up your work outs and this will definitely do that!  LOL

When I came back here I went to check on Derk.  He was barely holding his own.  He had a colonoscopy this afternoon - they biopsied his color (approx.  2 feet were highly inflamed)  - and he has more tests scheduled for Monday and next Friday.  Hopefully they will have some of the results back soon and we'll know a little more.

This afternoon I went over to the Utah Alzheimer's Association to see what resources they could tell me about.  The lady (Calleen) was extraordinarily helpful.  I am so grateful that there are associations like this one and people like Calleen who can help point us in directions for help that we don't even know exist and give aid and comfort as we face the challenges that will inevitably come our way - and so that we can help Dad get through what has to be some of the most terrifying moments he will have ever faced.

Tonight Brian fixed chicken enchiladas for supper and Dad got up to get glasses for some drink - but he looked absolutely helpless as he tried to find the glasses.  He finally explained to me, as he opened the frige, stove, and drawers, that he didn't know where they were - especially since all the cupboards had been changed.  LOL

I spent the better part of the afternoon/evening calling and talking to Brad, Mike, Chad, and Jim about the information I had learned from the Alzheimer's Association and trying to get possible dates that we can all meet with the clinical social worker at the Association to learn about the disease, its' progression, and resources and other particulars that we need to know about so that we can make informed decisions on Dad's behalf.  We are all united in trying to help Dad in whatever way we need...but there is strong disagreement about the diagnosis and even about the progression of the disease.  Hopefully we will all benefit by this meeting and we'll all be on the same page from here on out.

I received good news from Desi this morning - it seems Emily's eyes are working the best that they ever have!  What a blessing and what a gift!  She has been through so much.  I hope that things just continue to improve.

As I checked in with Brad this afternoon I had a chance to catch up with Tristen - she sure looked good even though I am sure she is ready to have her little one.  Hopefully she will have the baby this week and all will go well...and for Brittany too!   How fun it will be for two little cousins (actually - I guess they will be second cousins) to be born so close to one another and to be able to know one another - what a blessing!

I'm missing Rich tonight - not like I don't miss him every night - just that tonight I really would like to have him here....  The 22nd can't come soon enough!