Cunundrums

I spent most of the entire day doing my quilt - got the first border on but am not so satisfied now. I think it's not long enough and that I need to add another couple of rows...darn...I am going to have to let this sit for a day or so and see what I think...that is how I work sometimes.

I tried talking to Dad again today. He is going downhill fast. I can just feel it. I told him I would come out and get him and he retorted, "You don't need to do that! I can get there myself!" I know that he would like to think so - but I don't think he could now. He called me the other day and said, "Shauna?" I responded that it was me and asked him how he was - to which he told me that he would hang up because he didn't want to run up my phone bill. I told him that he had called me and he said, "Really?" Then he hung up. They have taken him off the aricept because of some possible side effects and Mike says that he can really see a sharp decline in just those two weeks. Yesterday they put him back on the exelon patch - I am hoping it helps. He is back to having difficulty with distinguishing the phone from the tv remote and can't always tell which phone is the one he is using. Getting old is no fun - and I think this is particularly hard. I would love to have him come and I make the most sense - but as intensely modest and private as he is I don't know how much he will let me help - but without bringing him here I will never know. As soon as they get the medications stabilized I think I will head out there and investigate the situation.

I really wonder how much of this was already happening early on - years ago. I, along with everyone else in the family, just thought that it was his hearing. But I am having some serious doubts now - not that it matters much. I think of Mom and all that Dad was trying to do to care for her - and he was very devoted. But she accused him of forgetting her once and that really bothered him when she passed away. I attributed that to Mom just being so sick - but now I wonder - I just wonder. I don't want him to be alone any more than he has to and I am beginning to be afraid for his safety. Mike and Shauna and Tristen and really everyone there are angels - but the time is quickly coming that he can't live by himself. Yet, I wonder what moving him here will do to him - will it be like what happened to my Grandma when we moved her to Aunt Juanita's? It just seemed to accelerate the decline. I just don't know. It is times like these that I wish I had my own Urim and Thummin!