A New Knee

On the 14th of May I voluntarily walked into Methodist Medical Center in Oak Ridge to have my right knee replaced!  I was anxious about it, even fearful.  As it turns out, those fears were pretty justified.

The surgery went well but coming out of the anesthesia was a very different matter.  The typical pain management protocol didn't work.  The nurses spent the better part of that day trying to find something that would give even a modicum of relief.  They finally hit upon a dilauded drip and Demerol.  It was just agony.  I think I actually had a little bit of shock...teeth chattering, cold, tense, extremely low blood pressure.  Dr. Robbins said that now we've been down that path they will just start there when they do the next one...right now I'm not so sure when that will be.  I had thought I wanted it done ASAP but right now I'm not convinced!

Once the pain was more manageable I started therapy at the hospital.  Things went well but I was surprised at how stiff and swollen I was (am).   I was black and blue from ankle to hip - the entire circumference if the leg.  I am told some people just react that way...and I guess I'm lucky like that! Lol. I had no appetite for several days and just spent the time trying to get comfortable, dozing, in therapy, or zoned out.  By my second day I had learned how to climb stairs and I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was.  I had not expected that!  It was a relief to know that I would be able to manage the steps at home.

Surgery was Tuesday and by Friday I was ready to come home.  It felt so good to get home.  Rich left shortly after getting home to get prescriptions filled.  He had a terrible time doing that!  I've been on Percocet for a while now, to manage the arthritic pain, and I had a prescription filled the week before surgery.  However, after the problems in recovery, Dr. Robbins had prescribed Demerol for me to go home with...the pharmacy didn't want to fill it and Dr. Robbins wasn't in his office!  Rich finally got it taken care of but again, I was behind the pain due to the problems, and struggled for the next few hours to get control of the pain.  The nurses had me on a three hour interval and had counseled me to get on a schedule around the clock so I set my phone alarms and that has really helped.

The weekend passed with me hardly getting out of bed.  Ice and elevation were my best friends.  I found myself sleeping a lot and not coping real well.  I wanted to chat with the kids or Rich, but found I reverted to hermit mode with everyone else.  Just didn't want to have to put on a brave face...just wanted to cope the best I could...without having an audience.  I was somewhat surprised by that response but I can only liken it to being in transition in labor...knowing it would eventually end but at that time it was taking all the reserves I had just to endure.  I found myself reflecting on the Savior in Gethsemane or on the cross...how much harder was what he had to endure made by the "audience"?  The mocking and scorn would be hard enough...but trying to endure and be strong and provide comfort for those he loved...wow!  I am humbled by the very thought!

5+ Days cont.

I'm writing this on my iPad and for some reason, when the text gets to a certain length, it no longer crawls and then I can't read what I've been typing...hence the "cont."  Since I'm so tech savvy, I have no idea what to do to correct it so I've got my own solution. Lol

Desi reports that all is well there.  They have been running like crazy as the kids are playing soccer this season.  It really does seem like once a child hits school, activities just explode.  They've had a bevy of birthday parties and baby showers to attend as well.  Jason, Mike's sister's husband, is staying with them this summer while he completes an internship there in Denver.  Desi did quite a bit to try and set up a place for him so he wouldn't have to live out of a suitcase and yet not disrupt all the kids too.  He's gladly accepted a place in their basement but Desi has been trying to find a way to give him some degree of privacy.  In the meantime, the silliness and hyper behavior of 7 and 5 year olds is driving her nuts. Lol.  I remember those years so well...and I remember going through it the first time...it is easier, as are most things, the second time around. Lol. Cherstin and Dan are experiencing the same stresses!  Lol. Spring has been so on and off again for Denver so it'll be really nice when she can just send them outside to play, regardless of whether or not they want to.  Desi has also been looking for quite a while for a dining room table...she finally found it and I think they are really going to love it.  It even has chairs!  It'll be nice to have, especially since they will have Jason for the summer, they won't have to deal with the folding chairs.  Desi also called her dad last week, concerned about what she could do for Mother's Day.  She had decided that she wanted to have me get a pedicure (ooooohhh...I've been thinking how nice that would be prior to my surgery) and so she and Rich conspired for me to go get one.  Rich took me, last Friday, down to a place I've been to a few times only to find they had closed for the day.  So he made me an appointment for today!  Yes!!!  I'm going this morning!!!  Thanks so much Desi, Mike, Emily, Mordecai, Ruby, and Ivy!  I'm really going to feel pampered!

Phil and Hannah are doing wonderfully and I'm so very, very, very grateful that Hannah is so thoughtful about sending me little snapshots and videos of the kids regularly.  One of the very most difficult things about being a long distance grandmother is that I miss the day in and day out activities of my grandkids.  These little snapshots and videos help me feel like I'm right there witnessing it all, even though I am obviously not!  All if the kids are good about sharing...but I get a few more from Hannah and it always brings tears to me as I contemplate the beautiful relationship I have with her...I truly feel like she is my daughter and I know that that it is because of her efforts to include me and treat me as her mother.   The relationship of Naomi and Ruth from the OT is more poignant all the time as I realize that this relationship is a result of Hannah's efforts, not mine, as I suspect was the case with Ruth.  I wish I had had the wisdom and foresight with Mom B. when I was a young mother but truly...I just was clueless.  I had no idea how to do it...I didn't not want one...just didn't know how.  I know that sounds stupid...but it is so accurate.   As with my own mother, there are so many things I wish I could do over with Mom B - I hope she will forgive me.  Anyway - Hannah is hugely pregnant and just taking each day one at a time...only a few weeks left...but I know she probably feels ready to pop!

Wanda reports that baby Joshua is doing well and seems to be a contented, happy baby.  What a blessing!  With all that little (????) family has going on at the moment that is a real blessing.  I think Wanda is also doing well.  She seems to just enveloped Joshua into her life without even missing a beat.  I doubt it has been as easy as that...but she sure seems to make it seem like that.  Felicia has mentioned on numerous occasions that Wanda has made pregnancy and mothering seem easy to her...and Felicia has voiced her dismay and utter amazement at that now that she is experiencing pregnancy herself.  And, perhaps all the hubbub of the last days of school, soccer, church, etc. just require that the family just keeps moving.  Or, perhaps, with the focus and concern for Hyrum right now, everything else just takes a back seat a little bit.  Hyrum has had his sleep EEG and MRI and they have appointments for the pediatric opthamalogist and audiologist - and it looks like all results of those tests and the genetic blood tests will be back in time for their appointment with the neuro psychologist.  On a good note - Wanda said that Hyrum seemed to be babbling the other day.  That's a hopeful sign.  In the meantime they just keep working with him and praying for him...as are all if us.  And, to add to all the stress - Sam had been complaining of his eye hurting.  Wanda had a dr. Appointment for the baby so she just included Sam.  They looked at his eye, couldn't see a scratch but prescribed and antibiotic.  The next morning he broke out in a rash all over that side if his face and forehead.  Wanda called the dr back and made a return trip where they diagnosed him with shingles and sent him to an eye doctor.  He hasn't had chicken pox, just the vaccine...but it looks like he is suffering now.  Hopefully the antiviral meds will help him.  Such a miserable illness!  I'm wishing you a speedy recovery, Sam!

5+ Days

I have five days to go until surgery...it is coming quickly now...more quickly than I would like!  It occupies most if my waking thoughts.  I've wondered why that is...don't know...just does.  In the meantime I keep plugging along trying to prepare.

For the better part of a week we've had no Internet or cable.  The first day Rich called them and they told him that there was a "node" they were working on but it should be up and running in a few hours.  The next day they said it had to be our modem...Rich responded that if could possibly be our modem but since we don't have cable either it is more likely something other than the modem.  They said they would send someone out on Monday.  Rich told them to make sure they called our cell numbers as our house phone is a voice over ip.  So by Monday night, when they still hadn't come, Rich called again and they told him that they were sorry that they had missed us but that we hadn't responded to their phone calls!  Ugh!  They had been calling the house phone!!!  So they said they would come the next morning...and they did...and they called his cell number.   An hour later, and lots of rescheduling on our part, the tech traced the problem back to the box...someone had disconnected us and connected themselves...no way to know who but it sure was frustrating!  However, we finally have access to the outside world!  Who would have thought we were this dependent on technology!

Over that nearly week, there were lots of things that happened with the kids and I was feeling a little disconnected, to say the least.  And to make matters worse, our cell phones have been more spotty than usual too!

However, Cherstin managed to get through with the news that Abby had been pushed down at a playground.  She continued to fuss about her arm hurting, rather than getting over it like she normally would have, so Cherstin and Dan took her to the dr. office and discovered that she had a broken collar bone.  The brace is helping but it still has been painful.  It wasn't helped yesterday when Ellie and Emmett were jumping on the love seat that Abby was sitting on and Ellie landed on top of her.  Again, ouch!!!

Cherstin is also reporting that baby Lorenzo is a very fussy little guy.  I've asked about the possibility of reflux since Ellie and Hyrum had it but she says he doesn't show the symptoms like they did.  She has thought that it just might be him...but I see from her blog last night, that she is trying a trial dose of Prevacid to see it might help and he has been much less difficult.  Maybe his symptoms are just extreme fussiness.  I hope, in a way, that it is...it is so much easier to handle a fussy little one if you know what the reason is.

Felicia and Tom have graduated from BYU now - they have their MSWs and have met the licensing requirements as well.  Tom's folks were able to go out for their graduation and I just received a very much appreciated note from his mom, Jean, with pictures and a program.  They are now hunting desperately for a job for Tom as Felicia is hoping to stay home with baby Noah and just work part time for her credentials after he's about a year old or so.  Tome has been putting in applications like crazy and, as I write, they are on the road for some interviews.  Tom had a phone interview with a place in Independence, KS last Friday and he will travel there for a face interview next week.  Yesterday he had an interview with the state of Utah down in St. George as a case worker, and from there they traveled to Gilbert, AZ for another one.  Right now it is just a walk of faith and we keep them in our prayers.

Joey and Carlie are continuing to prepare for their big move next month to Monterey, CA.  The kids have piano recitals this weekend and Gideon has a band trip to an amusement park.  It is also the Fathers and Sons outing but Joey knows they will have more of those but this trip for Gideon will be the last big event with friends that have made his time in Ohio so wonderful.  Toni, Carlie's mom, will be arriving there on Saturday.  She is going to be staying with the kids all next week as Joey and Carlie are leaving on a much needed cruise of the Caribbean on Sunday.  I'm so grateful that she is able to do this, even though it is her and Stephan's anniversary that week!  Joey and Carlie will have the opportunity to visit Kevin Smith and his family on the Sunday morning after the cruise and that will be lots if fun.  Kevin was a great friend to Joey in El Centro and even the best man at their wedding.  Three days after they get back from the cruise Carlie is having some surgery to repair  some of the stresses for child birth.  It will only be a couple days later and they will have packers arrive.  It is going to be a crazy few weeks for them.

Siblings

Today, on my way to the gym, Brad and Mike called me.  They were wondering how Rich and I were doing and when my surgery was scheduled for...they wanted to make sure I wasn't "chicken-ing out" lol.  I was so sad that I was in my way for a training appointment and so I had to cut short our conversation.  I would have loved to just chat for a while.  It isn't often that we are able to connect like that and I found myself longing for the deeper connections of family.  One of the consequences of Mom and Dad being gone is that we don't call as often as...life just has a way if getting in the way and the time differences don't help either!  It is much easier to connect than just a few years ago but even with the blessings of technology it isn't as easy or as often as I found myself longing for.  I once read that the sibling relationship is the most enduring if all, just because we are connected over the longest period of time and I find that the older I get, the more I need to connect with my wonderful brothers and their sweet wives.  I find my interest and worry in their families and lives growing.  I'm not sure if this is a normal phenomenon or if it is just that I'm finally growing up. I guess it doesn't matter...just matters that I really, really love them and are so grateful that I have them in my life.

Because of their call I've been remembering conversations and events all evening.  I have to say that I feel particularly blessed that we had our parents and the gospel in our lives growing up.  I know of people who have pretty difficult relationships with their siblings and I feel real gratitude that I have nothing but love and admiration for each of my brothers.  It is not to say that either they or I are perfect.  We aren't.  But I love each if them with my whole heart and are grateful for their love and support.  Indeed, heaven wouldn't be heaven if they aren't there.  

I am very grateful that our children also have such warm, tender, and compassionate feelings for one another.  Just today I have learned that one of our children, when they and their spouse were at the temple yesterday, placed one of their sibling's name and their family on the prayer roll.  Another child, seeking to provide aid and support, is sending a package with things the other might need.  And another family is praying with their whole hearts for two other families....surely this is what heaven is all about....  I think I have just a tiny, tiny glimpse into what my Father in Heaven must feel like when we are trying to love and help others of His children...our brothers and sisters.  

Today is 13 days until my surgery day.  I have done sets of the pre-op exercises and met with my trainer for arms, shoulders, and backs, went to yoga, and dropped another 2 pounds.  I wish I could have new knees without going through the surgery...I know...it's a constant theme...and I really wish I didn't need to have them both done.  Both of my trainers, Debi and Kathleen, told me today that I can't chicken out and they will be here on the morning of my surgery to help Rich get me there if I tried to chicken out.  Lol.   I keep thinking that my knees aren't really that bad and that I can put this off but then I try to work or stand and I realize that they really are that bad.  I just hope the few things I've done to prepare are enough.  I wish that I hadn't regained so much of the weigh I'd lost but at least I've lost 40...too bad it isn't 40 from two years ago...but I can't go backwards...only forwards.