The title of this post is a version of a quote from Chaucer in A.D. 1374. Sadly that is the case of my last few days. Sunday evening we caught our flight to Seattle, leaving our little Hamblin family behind. As Cherstin helped us with our bags into the terminal, I was overwhelmed with how raw my emotions were. Sadness enveloped me for so many reasons...seven were in their car and one was giving me a hug, with tears in her eyes. How did we ever get so blessed????? And, totally committed to this being an honest blog, I wanted to freeze time as I silently wondered if this would be the last time I would ever see them in this life. Such morbid thoughts you might say....but realistic too....life is far more fragile than I think we ever realize, and, too often we get caught in the human experience, forgetting that we really are eternal beings having a mortal experience and that mortality is just a stage of our development.
Sadly, while we were in Alaska, one of Dan's co-workers was killed while on leave, driving the Al-Can with his wife and their dog, heading to the lower 48. Both his wife and dog were ok (as OK as you can be in this type of situation), but it wasn't the case for Coyle. Dan knew this guy pretty well, and it seems that the entire group did as well. Dan first learned of the accident from the Bishop as Coyle was a member. Dan alerted his supervisor and commander. No one is really aware of how the bishop came to know since Coyle and his wife were not active. Perhaps it was one of their family that contacted the bishop since they are active. But it was sad to me that his ward family knew little of him and certainly not enough to truly mourn his passing. The guys he worked with had a memorial service and a memorial run in his honor, and I think he will truly be missed. His impact in the lives of others really was tremendous. One of the funny things that Dan shared with us is that he and his wife had reared their dog from a pup to be an attack dog. I don't know the reason...perhaps work related...but Coyle had taught the dog to respond to all of his commands in Farsi...but his wife doesn't speak Farsi! The dog will surely miss his master, and his wife will surely miss him too...but I can only imagine her frustration in trying to work with a dog only knowing another language...but perhaps he'll be bi-lingual soon. You really can teach an old dog new tricks😉.
It is always surprising to realize how fast time really does fly. It seems that we were there for just a few days, but in reality it was over three weeks! It will be nice for their little family to get back to their own routines though, as having extra people always throws things off a little bit.
We got into Anchorage at like 1 a.m. on Sunday morning, the 30th of July. By the time we got baggage, drove to their home and got settled into our room it was much closer to 3 than 1...or 7 am our time. I don't know how Cherstin and Dan were able to keep it a secret, but the kids were sure surprised to see us in the morning! I think Abby had a sneaking suspicion...but she didn't blab if she did! We went to church and I had the fun opportunity to teach primary music for two weeks while their chorister was away. Their primary doesn't need much teaching though. Wow! They really can sing and they know the words, dynamics, and were easy to engage. That was especially fun for me.
We got back home, had supper and movie night, and then redressed everyone and got them back in the car for Ellie's baptism. I'm always amazed at the supportiveness of their ward. When Emmett was baptized the R.S. Room was filled to capacity and I thought that was pretty unusual. But it was the same for Ellie's. Their home teacher, bishop and counsellors, EQ president, YM president, families, primary teachers, classmates...seemed like nearly the entire Ward showed up. And, two weeks later the bishop and his wife had a birthday party for their disabled son (he has Down's and is autistic and functions at about a one or two year old level) who is turning 20...again...it seemed like the entire Ward showed up to celebrate Caleb's birthday! It is amazing, absolutely amazing. This past Sunday Heidi's nursery teacher spoke in Sacrament Meeting and Heidi ADORES him. When his name was announced as a speaker, Heidi nearly jumped out of her Mom's lap to get to him. By the end of Sacrament Meeting, Cherstin finally let her go and she ran to "Brover Hatcher" and he swooped down and picked her up and she was so delighted...it was precious to see...such love! Truly a blessing.
Anyway, I digress. Ellie was given latitude to make her baptism her own, and in true Ellie fashion, she did just that! She had originally wanted the congregation to sing "America, the Beautiful" and "The Star Spangled Banner" 😂. Cherstin was able to suggest "baptism" songs and Ellie eventually chose "When I Am Baptized" and "A Child's Prayer" but she was pretty insistent that her family sing a song that she loves - "To Be A Pioneer" following the intermission. I had to chuckle. It's so Ellie. That's another thing - their Ward sings! Not half-heartily but full throated praises - men, women, and children! You can really feel the spirit! Ellie also wanted Rich to baptize her. Rich was reluctant since he truly believes that her Father should have the privilege, or perhaps a brother. But when she insisted and Dan seemed perfectly content, especially since he would be confirming her, Rich felt really honored and grateful for the opportunity. We haven't made all of our grandchildren's blessings (sorry Glory, Scarlett, Ivy, and Noah 😔) but we've been able to attend all of their baptisms so far. What a privilege. Again, the reality hit that made me wonder if Rich and I will be here over the next decade to participate...I sure hope so! I realize it isn't all about me and Rich...but I love my grandchildren so much and love their tenderness, teachableness, their goodness, and am so proud as they make this critical choice to serve the Lord and follow Him. It was true for each of them at this stage in each of their lives - Joseph, Rebekah, Rachel, Gideon, Mary, Glory, Ben, Scarlett, Sam, Ruth, Emily, Abby, Levi, Orion, Moroni, Emmett, Mordecai, William, and Ellie. And it is true of Adam and Reah as they approach their special date. Wow! That's 21 of our soon to be 36! How pleased we are of their parents who have taught and taught and taught...in word and even more by example. They truly are blessed to have their parents and to have been brought into mortality in their homes. As I reflected on the covenants, the promises, the duties, and the blessings of this choice I realized more and more how inspired our Heavenly Father is in these covenants, the teachings and principles, and how ready these wee ones are to make these choices before the world encroaches into their young lives...what a magnificent protection for them. And the world just spirals faster and faster....
It rained quite a few days while we were there. That certainly hadn't been the case when I had been there the other two times. We didn't really see the wildlife like I experienced the other times either, but due to the cold, rain, and our "mobility" issues, perhaps we weren't in a position to see as much. However... The other wild ones were evident and in full force...we watched Emmett at a swim meet and quickly realized the sacrifice that his parents and the rest of the family make to support him. But it is also evident that he sacrifices a lot too...play with neighborhood friends is often cut short due to swim practice, he uses a lot of energy, and there are plenty of sore muscles...but he is awesome to watch and whatever he decides to do with this talent may be incidental to the training, work, effort, team experiences, defeat, sportsmanship, learning to take counsel, and the self discipline he is learning. Hyrum seems to be quieter by nature, but can certainly hold his own, if he needs to, and can instigate when he chooses. He loves to create with blocks, other manipulatives, and plays a mean computer game...although I can still beat him in Dr. Mario.😜. Enzo is the Minion Kevin. Abby thinks that the part was created using Enzo as the template😉. He's made such progress that he is hardly recognizable from two years ago. He really is a sweet and tender little guy, but he's also very strong willed and determined. You can see the panic on his face when he gets confused or misses vital info, but you can actually talk to him now and he seems to understand what you're trying to relay. There were hardly any melt downs the entire time we were there and that is just amazing. He LOVES pickles btw!
Abby is growing and rapidly becoming a young woman. She is easy to love. Fairly quiet by nature, she still has a streak of determination when she's feeling abused (usually by Emmett, but sometimes by Ellie). She takes quite a bit from them (just really being themselves) but when she's had enough she is learning how to put her foot down firmly enough that they'll respond but to not lose her kindness and temper - not an easy task really. Sparks fly sometimes as she trying to learn this art, and truthfully, Emmett and Ellie are such strong and forceful personalities, that unless something is important to her, she just gives in...and they really don't know how to handle her standing up to them sometimes...maybe it just catches them off guard or something...but they are much more aggressive by nature and so they're not easily placated by reason😜. As a little extra acknowledgement that she's growing up, Dan and Cherstin would allow her to stay up an hour or so later to watch a tv program with us, and we would often have a snack, and she quickly was dubbed "the snackaderm" by Rich as she became the legs running up and down the stairs for the various snacks. She got the humor and I think she enjoyed her role and the privilege.
Ellie is a hot mess! She is in that awkward stage when she wants to be a little kid when it suits her but wants to be an older kid when that looks more fun. She really has a tender heart. She made me a painted rock (very beautiful, really) when she went to activity days, and she is always "creating". Cherstin and Dan have tried to "contain" it somewhat and still allow her the opportunity...but between the energy, the mess, and lack of restraint...she's like a tiny whirlwind! She has friends in the neighborhood now and I think that's a real blessing for her. And talk??? My goodness! I wonder if she inherited her chatter from my mom, especially when her teacher would note that she could be a great student if she weren't always TALKING! Sometimes I wondered if she just couldn't stand quiet...needed to fill in the quiet spaces.
Heidi is a book end to Abby. Easy to love, pretty quiet by nature, not really defiant or agressive...although she's not adverse to putting Enzo in his place if she thinks he's overstepped his bounds. Doesn't really require much discipline - in fact several times she put her own nose on the wall - because she thought she needed it??? 😂
How can I distill three weeks into a few lines? I really need to get better at writing daily. We really, really, really enjoyed ourselves and I was so tickled to be able to share my time with Rich there.
A cool thing happened on our way home...the 99 year wait for a coast to coast solar eclipse happened on the day we flew home. And...our path was the same path as the eclipse. We were in the effects of it for about 20 minutes I think...it started while we were just south of St. Louis and ended just a little while before arriving in Nashville. The pilot had permission to bank just so we could catch the effect. He said there was lots of air traffic trying to get a pic too. Joey and his family tracked to the Tennessee boarder in order to have a totality view. Desi and Felicia had partial. Wanda and Phil - not so much - but I think Hannah was in Montana and had partial too. Cherstin and Dan were overcast and had a pretty good view on tv😜.
The last few weeks I have been feeling more and more uncomfortable so when we visited with Dr. Keedy yesterday I wasn't in the least surprised to learn that the chemo free months have now passed. There was a cm growth in one of the liver tumors, growing from 4.5 to 5.5 cm. and there was nearly a cm growth in the large mesentery tumor. The mesentery tumor may have been small tumors that have grown together as they are somewhat a blobby mass instead of a circle like the liver mets. The liver met growth would have been enough to warrant chemo since things are no longer stable, but with the mesentery growth I knew we had come to the end of the road. No chemo since the 16th of January has been such a blessing. I have enjoyed feeling good, gaining strength and stamina, and feeling more like myself. I dread chemo but I'm hoping that this will be one with limited side effects. Dr. Keedy had prioritized the probable choices based upon quite a few factors...we could go back to doxorubicin and add Olaratumab that was fda approved in November but my tumors grew on the doxorubicin and there is a lifetime limit as well. It isn't known whether adding the olara would really help and so we just pushed it to the back of the line. The gemcitebene and taxotere were fantastic and gave me great results with tumors actually shrinking and stability for all these months but my reaction to them was severe and Dr. Keedy is VERY reluctant to try that again, unless there are no other options. We had talked about votrient as the next option but the growth in the mesentery tumor has her somewhat concerned as the tumors are very deep in the upper abdomen and are where there are lots of blood vessels, veins, arteries, and vital organs all converging and votrient has a possibly higher risk for blood clots, so she is suggesting yondelis. Votrient is a pill and I would have enjoyed not being tethered here with all the things happening in the family. But, I actually felt like yondelis should have been the choice when we were talking about it last visit so I feel that the Spirit is directing things here more than He's given credit. It is a 24 hr infusion every three weeks...so my out of town activities will have to be worked around that....at least for the next 6 weeks when they will rescan to determine the effectiveness. We will be leaving here Friday to meet Joey and Carlie at the Birmingham temple and then head down to Montgomery for Rich to be able to ordain Joey as a high priest and then a member of the stake presidency will set him apart as a member of their bishopric. It will be good to see them all again and we'll even get to watch the BYU football game.
I'll meet with Dr. Thompson next Thursday and he'll be the one administering the yondelis and directing my care. It is possible I may need to have another echocardiogram as a new baseline since yondelis has a possibility of causing muscle damage but Dr. Thompson may feel that the one they did while I was in the hospital in January and February is sufficient. My best guess is that chemo will start somewhere from Thursday to the following Monday.
Rich seemed to manage the flight and trip pretty well. I think he had thought of every possible thing that could happen and had a contingency plan. The VA had oxygen there for him, he had physical therapy set up, and plenty of meds. Unfortunately the nerve damage in his leg did give him some grief and so did his back...but that probably would have been the case at home too. All in all...I'm ready to do this again!💜
