Dr. DiMeo

Went to see Dr. Dimeo this morning. I really like this guy. He seems thorough, very compassionate, cutting edge, careful, and willing to try anything at this point to help Rich.

He recommended that we get a humidifier for the house (humidity needs to be 35-50%), get humidifiers for the oxygen tanks and condensers, get on a long term dose of zithromax (for at least 2 months), continue weightloss efforts (Rich had lost 7 lbs since his last visit and on the prednisone that is amazing weight loss), "hock a lugee," gave him a steroid injection, and recommended kircumen? I think this really is cumen - I am going to have to investigate this further - but he recommended it in a 2 gram dose saying that cutting-edge research is showing some help. He also stated most emphatically that there would not be many - if any - great double blind studies of this herb because there is no money to be made from it because it can't be replicated.

He also told us that if Rich runs into any kind of difficulty to call him. He will see him. And he told us that right now his lung functions are holding steady - and while he had hoped to see improvement, the fact that they are holding steady with the setbacks is a good sign. We will return to see him in two weeks.

Rush Limbaugh

Today is Rush's birthday. I have listened to his radio program for over 21 years. I have yelled at him, yelled with him, sorrowed with him, commiserated with him, sung with him, been informed and tutored by him, had my own thinking challenged, and even been worked up enough to call his program or e-mail.

I remember the first day that I heard him. I was driving home to Sumter from Columbia, S.C. I had been to the o.b., awaiting the birth of Felicia. I was appalled at his arrogance and brashness - but the timbre of his voice and the discussion he was having with his audience about animal rights, abortion, and the homeless was riveting - the thing he was saying mirrored so closely my own feelings about the subjects that I was startled. However, the things he would say, "talent on loan from God," and the like, just rubbed me the wrong way. Weeks went by and I continued to listen and one day I listened to his answer to one of his critics about the "talent on loan from God" blurb. I came to realize the context he was saying this in and realized I even agreed with him on that. It wasn't that he was brainwashing me as his critics charged - rather it was the first time someone in the media was saying things I believed deeply. Millions of Americans have found the same home, much to the dismay of the mainstream media.

His success created an industry of conservative talk radio hosts, many of who have gone on to be successful in their own right. Many I have listened to (as my family can attest;) - Sean Hannity, Neil Boortz, Hugh Hewitt, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved, Michael Reagan, Glen Beck, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin, Mark Styne, Mark Levin, etc., etc., etc.

There is often the charge that he and others like him have coarsened the political discourse. Sometimes that may be true - but often I believe that the discourse they are trying to have is about the foundational principles of our constitution and our society and those who oppose these tend to be the ones that sling the mud. It has been my experience that while the interpretation of "the facts" may differ - the problem is more that the facts are brought to light and those who want to work darkness would rather not have it see the light of day. And in fact, over the last few years I have been extra-ordinarily frustrated with the republicans because they have not been willing to stand against the destruction of these values and principles. That has been the growing frustration of an increasingly large segment of our society. The next few years promises to be interesting...but I am glad that Rush is here as that we continue the journey.

Technology and Me

Today, in the course of a discussion with Desi, it slipped out that I had started this blog. The fact is, I am basically writing it for my children and grandchildren - but I don't really think that there will be much of interest for them - at least until I am gone. And some might argue that might not even happen LOL. Anyway, because of the discussion that ensued Desi helped me with the finer aspects of the blog (like color, wallpaper, etc.). In fact, if you could have been here while she tried to help me put up a picture of Glory on the 7th you would have died laughing - we nearly did! And to her credit - she was absolutely the most patient person in the world - didn't even make me feel stupid - but I am sure she must have thought so!!!!LOL Thanks so much Des - I'll be calling you;)

And to Cherstin - thank you for being interested! And for your comment! (I learned about them from Desi this morning when she was helping me but I never dreamt that I would get one!) And did you see Chuck this evening? We have finished the 1st season and after watching last night and tonight's there is obviously a lot we don't know! We're waiting for netflix too!

Thought that I would continue my 2009 in review - and this might be a long process so I think I'll do this in bites. So, I'll finish out January tonight. I just am verbose - what can you say?!

When I had packed out of the house in 2008 in preparation to move I had hurt my knee. I had an mri done on New Year's Eve and finally saw an orthopedic dr. in January. He told me that he could do an arthroscopic knee procedure and clean out the debris and the miniscus that I had torn. I didn't feel great about that - so I got a different opinion and went with that option. He gave me a steroid injection into the knee and that helped immeasurably while he started the ball rolling for insurance approval for a series of injections called synvisc that he thought might give me some help. Basically, the knees are shot - both are bone on bone and need replacement...but he feels that I am too young to do that unless he has too. The goal is to get me through the next five years first. However, losing weight and increasing muscle is the absolute best thing that I can do - and a year later (2010) I am right where I was on that front then...but I am working on it!

In January Dan deployed to "the desert." He would be gone for the next four months so Cherstin, Abby, and Emmett came to be with us while he was gone. It was so much fun - for me and Rich! But, first we have to get them here so I flew out to Oklahoma so that we could drive out to Tennessee in her van with the kids.

I remember vividly flying into Oklahoma City. For some reason the view I had was spectacular and very impressive. All the roads and bridges, skyscrapers, farms, and industry that surrounded me caused me to marvel and to wonder. I realized that most of the "heavy lifting" of society and the dreaming of how to make life easier and better was done by men - in a very macro way. Good, decent men who sought to tame a wilderness, land, infrastructure, the internet, provide safety and security for individuals and a world, to build cars and trucks, homes, and businesses by which I, as a person, so take for granted. Do I know that there are some dirtbags out there - yes, do I realize that some do these things only for the money, power, or self-aggrandizement - yes. But the vast majority of the men I know go to work everyday to make life better for me and for my family and for their families and for the rest of society. I was filled with gratitude for men and all the work they do. Too often the feminist movement and society in general has mocked, ridiculed, or trivialized men and their work and indicted them for being "male." And, they have just put up with it. Often times they have taken the criticism and tried really hard to make life better, more fair, more equal for the women of their lives and for society. I am grateful for that and have benefited by that too - but then - isn't that just another example of how much they do to make our lives better? But unfortunately, too often the indictment has been wrong and to those wonderful men who are just that - wonderful - thank you. You deserve our sincere appreciation and respect. You need to know that you truly do make a difference that blesses all of our lives and that we couldn't and probably wouldn't do it. But then - I suspect you already know that we (the women of your lives) are so focused on our immediate families (the micro part of the equation) that we don't even think in these terms. I suspect that is why the scriptures record that God created the earth - not our mother in heaven. Two totally different focuses - both vitally important for His family. Thanks again, guys.

Cherstin and the kids met me at the airport and we picked up some lunch and headed right out of town, travelin' to Tennessee. The kids did wonderfully! Movies and cd's sure make quicker trips. We stopped at Walmarts to stretch, and McDonalds to eat and play...but all in all it was a wonderful trip for me. When we got back home (the apartment) it was early in the morning - but Emmett and Abby were so excited to be out of the car - I'm afraid that Cherstin didn't get to bed until 4-ish but I was grateful that the trip had been so good and that we had arrived home safely.

Remembering

Today is my grandmother, Wanda Bingham Roskelley's 110th birthday. She is such a wonderful person - such an elect lady. It is only now that I think I even get the significance of her role in my life. She taught me to crochet, to sew, to piece and to tie quilts, to do genealogy, to make bread and pies. Recipes that she made to feed her little family through the dark days of the depression still live with us today - "hamburgers in gravy" is one of my favorites but the one that probably gets used most frequently is "hamburger gravy." I love her crystal pickles (as does Wanda) and banana bread and lemon meringue pie. She was frugal and generous, kind and consistent, thrifty and industrious. I can NEVER remember her ever sitting in a chair with her hands idle - she was either crocheting, studying the scriptures, working a crossword puzzle, or doing something else for the benefit of others. I can't ever remember her ever saying a negative word about anything or anybody either - a trait I admire and would so like to develop. She loved tomatoes and raspberries, and cucumbers in vinegar. She loved to learn and I still have a book of drawings that she made for her biology class when she was in school in Valparaiso, Indiana that are absolutely stunning in their detail and artistry. She held high standards and I can remember her saying things like, "a job's not done if it isn't done right." She insisted on proper English and dress. She loved going to the temple and she loved family history. She didn't like the tv series "Mash" or "I Love Lucy." I suspect Mash was because of losing her son in the Korean conflict. Now, I Love Lucy - I am just guessing - but I think she probably thought that it was stupid and insipid - but it's just a guess. She had a difficult childhood and life - but she never complained. She loved her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren fiercely. She loved my Mom and taught her so very well. And she loved me. I love you, Grandma. I am so grateful that you were born!

Today I had a thought that I ought to write a brief synopsis of what happened last year before I forget...I always think that will never happen, especially when things have been particularly momentous...but time really does take it's toll and I am always amazed at how fuzzy things can become so fast. I find that I can often remember an event, but placing it in time can be difficult. And then, who's to say I even remember the event at all! LOL

Anyway - I will try to put this in some kind of chronological order because that may be the best chance I have of remembering.

In October of 2008, on Conference Weekend, Felicia had a car accident that totaled her car. Rich had come home to help pack up the moving truck and drive it out to Tennessee - but he and I stopped for a few hours and bought a van for us so that we could give our car to Felicia to use. The next couple of weeks I finished packing (with the help of friends, family, and ward) out of the house we were renting in Westminster, Colorado, cleaned it, and moved in with Desi and Mike.

In November I then drove to Utah so that I could get Felicia the car and other things she wanted and needed. I spent a week there with Dad and got to see my brothers and their families and Felicia. I had been back to Utah in June/July (with Wanda and her little brood, Cherstin and Abby and Emmett, Hannah and Orion, and Felicia) while Felicia looked over BYU. Then I had driven out with her in August/September when she returned for school and stayed for Jenna's wedding. And, while things hadn't radically changed in that amount of time I was glad to have the chance to get back there before our move to Tennessee. I flew back to Denver and shortly Rich and Felicia joined me and Desi and Mike, Mordecai and Emily for Thanksgiving. We had a lovely time with everyone and then we said our goodbyes and packed up a trailer with some of the things that were left from the packing of the house and my personal belongings and drove out to Tennessee. We stopped for a couple of days in Oklahoma with Cherstin and Dan but we were anxious to get back and get things put away so that Rich could get back to work.

In December (just a few weeks later)Rich and I drove back through Oklahoma (staying a couple of days again with Cherstin and Dan) and on in to Colorado for Christmas with Desi, Mike, Emily, Mordecai, and Felicia. We had a lovely time again but this trip had been planned specifically (the the added bonus of Christmas with the kids) to get out of the storage units that we had there and to get my plants and get home. So we packed out of the storage units, packed up the plants, said our goodbyes, and headed east.

Now this is where my memory is fading already - hmmm - maybe I do have Alzheimer's! I would call Desi and ask her because I know she would remember - but I think I'll just let this stand as a testament to how quickly timing of events can fade and hopefully I (along with anyone else who reads this) will learn to record when things happened and not later on. Anyway - Desi had been having a long battle with kidney stones. All through her pregnancy with Mordecai and then afterwards. I specifically remember her Dad being with me and Emily and Mordecai too while we took her for tests and to dr. appointments. But I think these were during the Thanksgiving period because Emily got hooked watching Polar Express in our van while waiting for Desi and that was a lifesaver. I also remember that Rich and I talked about getting her a copy of the movie for Christmas and that Desi told me Emily was watching it on tv one night before we got there. But I believe Desi had one of her many surgeries just as we were leaving from Christmas (and it could have been Thanksgiving 0 SEE!!!) At any rate - I felt awful about leaving. She had been through so much and yet I needed to complete the move and we had time constraints, etc. Lexie Ludwig and Crystal were there to help her for the few days right after the surgery. I was so grateful to our church family. My heart was breaking as I pulled away from the curb but I was so confident in her care and recovery that I felt to express my gratitude to one and all.

As we drove east through Kansas we then headed northeast into Nebraska and Iowa and finally into Wisconsin to drop things off at Wanda's and Hannah's - especially plants. It had turned bitter cold and while the plants were in the back of our van as opposed to the trailer - some did not fare very well. In fact - a year later and some of these are still making their way back. We then left Wisconsin and headed south for Tennessee.

Rich's back had been bothering him and he had thought it was the bed. He put an eggshell foam cover on it - helped some. Tried nerve stimulation, therapy, analgesics, pain meds, nothing seemed to help very much. So finally Dr. May referred him to a neurosurgeon here in Oak Ridge. We went to see him in January. Going there we were reminded that you never know when the Church and the gospel might become the topic of conversation. He had given us a history to fill out and on it they wanted the names and ages of all of our children (who knows why?). As he went over the list he noted that we had six children to which he responded, "What are you, Mormon or something?" To which Rich responded, "Well, yes, we are!" We watched the red flush of embarrassment completely cover his face as he struggled to know how to respond. After what seemed to be 5-10 seconds he responded that he had known a few Mormons in his life and, "they were actually some very nice people." We have laughed about it over and over - you never know who is watching you!

Anyway - he (the neurosurgeon) found from the MRI that Rich had actually broken a vertebrae in his back, and while the discs were bulging in the area, he didn't think that was the problem. He thought the break was causing a pinched nerve and recommended that he go to a pain specialist who could deaden the nerve with radio-frequency procedures - and if that didn't work then he would fuse his back. Well, we saw the pain specialist and after a series of procedures - he has been relatively pain free. Yeah! Modern medicine is sure nice when it works!

Lazy Saturday

Today I got up and thought I would head to Gina's Bernina in Knoxville to look for fabric for a quilt. Desi had shared that Kathy Hickman (friend, co-coordinator of the humanitarian quilt project in Colorado, and wife of our former Bishop and Stake President) has cancer. Her daughter is hosting a hat/scarf party as she is heading to Texas for two months for chemo. I had been thinking about the hat and/or scarf but thought I liked the quilt idea better...but I couldn't find anything that just jumped out at me and screamed "here I am! take me!" I want something a little more contemporary, a pattern that is easily transferred to a throw size, and something that is pretty...lots of fabric...just nothing that I really was drawn to. I wish there was a "Tomorrow's Heirloom" or "Great American Quilt Factory" here. Maybe it is that the colors are changing or maybe the style - I don't know.

When I got home Rich and I watched a dvd from the tv program "Chuck." I have seen advertisements for it but since is isn't something Rich and I have watched it hasn't been on our radar screen. However, Wanda had reported that her family is finding it great watching. So we tried the first episodes. Kind of cute.

Today is Ruth Sariah Husted's birthday - number 4! I was privileged enough to be in Wisconsin for her birth. It was so exciting. I remember so well when Robert called to tell us that Wanda was expecting a little girl, "She'll be Seven of Nine" he said with such excitement. The significance of this "label" was not lost on us, as "Trekkies" of sorts. I have kind of mused about this designation sometimes over the last few years. Ruth is independent and extrordinarily capable of "helping" herself to whatever she needs. But, she is also very tenderhearted and very tied to her family - almost "borg" like...LOL Over the last year she has lost much of her "chipmonk" voice but the twinkle is still in her eye as she interjects herself into a conversation with a comment she knows fits right in. She just exudes life! She loves pink and purple, baby dolls, ice cream, and i-pod touches.... The picture I used here was one from Wanda's blog - but it really does demonstrate the special "gift" we got when she joined our family. Happy birthday Ruth!

Agency

Studying in the scriptures today I came upon a quote and found insight that I feel is important...I don't know if I will be able to find the words to express that insight - but I will try.

In the Pearl of Great Price, Abraham 3:18-19, the Lord tells Abraham that intelligence is eternal, even if one intelligence is greater than another, it has no beginning and no end. The Lord also states that He is more intelligent than all. That caused me to ponder, especially after having read a statement by Neal A. Maxwell that what the Lord knows is "vastly more - not just barely more - than the combinations of what all mortals know." The scripture Abr. 3:19 at the end says, "I am the Lord thy God, I am more intelligent than they all." Prior to reading Elder Maxwell I had read that in a relative way - that obviously the Lord was the most intelligent of all of Heavenly Father's children. But with a closer reading to the words, "I am more intelligent than they all" and Elder Maxwell's insight I am awed even more by the knowledge and intelligence of the Lord and humbled by my lack of it...He is more intelligent, more wise, more knowledgeable, more anything than all of us combined - all of the smartest and brightest that ever lived and ever will together. How often do we put our hopes and dreams and confidence in a group of "the smartest or brightest" rather than in what the Lord says? How often to we put our faith and confidence in ourselves rather than the Lord? Talk about arogant!

And - how the Lord became more intelligent than us all, and how his noble and great ones became such is interesting too. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, "We know they were all innocent in the beginning; but the right of free agency which was given to them enabled some to outstrip others and through the eons of immortal existence to become more intelligent, more faithful, for they were free ot act for themselves, to recive the truth or rebel against it." Agency. Agency is key. With agency they chose to learn, work, and exercise their faith. By utilizing their agency with diligence and faith they were able to grow increasingly like their Father in Heaven and as we continue to do so we become like Him.

As I consider this process I see the insideousness of what is happening in our society now. The move towards socialism and communism is an effort to take away the agency of man, cloaked in language of compassion and mercy. Take the health care fraud that is being perpetrated - we are being told that this is compassionate and merciful and that if we oppose this legislation then we are hatemongers and hateful. In reality - the effort to make us all alike, regardless of our differences, makes us all "common" and gives no opportunity for our freedom, to choose for ourselves - and eventually - as money runs out and outcomes become more planned then more and more of our freedoms are slipping away because others are choosing what and how and when and why things are done - rather than us. Increasingly we are choosing to allow someone (the government) to make choices and plans for our care, and our choices and decisions are becoming less ours and more limited, until there is no choice at all. And this is just the tip of the iceberg...in every corner of our society there is a push to make us into a "nanny state" with a cry that the choices, legislation, policies, etc. are for our good, that we don't know better or that someone needs us to do this or that because they are weak, infirmed, or unable to do better. And when we accept these premises we are giving up our rights - is this not just like Satan in the war in heaven? He would take care of us, he would help us, not everyone was strong and so this would be the most compassionate way, yada, yada, yada. If that plan had prevailed our agency would have been gone and our opportunity to grow and become like our Father in Heaven with it. When someone is telling us what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, we no longer have agency. We no longer have the freedom to waste our time playing video games or some other mindless activity or to choose to study the scriptures or serve our fellow man. We no long have the freedom to develop the talents we choose or learn the things that we want to learn because someone else is choosing what we should do. Slowly we are enslaved and have given up our rights to become the best we can be, like our Father in Heaven. The Savior and those noble and great ones used their agency to become such - choosing liberty and eternal life. We are being asked to give up our agency for a mess of pottage and I fear that too often I have done just that, oft times unknowingly, but gratefully I have had the prophet and the Holy Ghost to lead me back and away from danger.


Today is Phil and Hannah's anniversary. Number six. It is so amazing to me how quickly time flies. Especially now. I remember that while we were living in Kentucky we came to Wanda's place for Christmas. This was the year before Phil and Hannah were married. Phil was living with Wanda and Robert and he was pretty excited about going "caving" with a friend and his sister. I had a inkling that this was important - but how important I wouldn't learn for another 8 months. By this time we had moved from Kentucky to Colorado and Phil wanted to know if he could invite a friend home for dinner. He had played things pretty close to the vest with Rich and I - but Desi and Cherstin were pretty sure where things were going - they were with them in the singles' ward, at institute, at family home evening, Denny's, IHOP, and Village Inn, etc. and they were pretty sure that Phil was head over heels and they thought that Hannah felt the same. They were right. How blessed we are to have Hannah in our family! She has blessed Phil's life and ours and blessed us with two adorable little guys, Orion and William. Happy #6 you guys!

This Generation

Today I was reading in AAbraham where the Lord shows Moses about the moon and stars and planets and Abraham relates that he sees many of the "noble and great ones" - the intelligences that were organized before the world was and that he was one of those. I then read a quote by Ezra Taft Benson that said something to the effect that the Lord had held us in reserve for 4000 years to come forth at this time and that we would bear his kingdom and be prepared to meet our God.

The news today has been disconcerting...it has been for a very long time...but today was a press conference about a failed underwear bomber from Christmas day, the news that New Jersey had rejected gay marriage (they had been trying to become the 6th state to legalize it), the demoralizing efforts by the Democrats and President Obama to ram socialized medicine through, and cap and trade as well. There is so much that is wrong - and yet I have to rejoice in the lives of our children, their spouses, and our grandchildren. I have to rejoice in the lives of our members of the church who are trying to live valiantly, our missionaries, the Prophet, and leaders of His kingdom. Truly, the gospel is the answer to what ails this world. I can only imagine how daunting the tasks must seem to President Monson. It just seems so odd that the world could have turned so cold so quickly.

I spent some time today trying to decide on quilts for our little grandchildren - William, Ellie, Adam, and Reah...I already know what I would like to do for Moroni but I am waiting for permission to use the drawing from David Bowman's book "Who's Your Hero?" as the centerpiece. I have some other things I need to do first though - but I am getting excited to work on them.




I was thinking today about Glory. It is her 9th birthday today. She was born in England and we weren't able to be there for either her birth or her blessing. Today she is tall, slender, and a pretty red-head. Carlie thinks she sees a lot of herself in Glory...I don't know as I wasn't around her when she was this age. But - from what I know she is tender hearted, smart, a good student, likes to read, play on the computer, and likes to swing and climb trees and play in the leaves. It is a very snowy and cold day today in Ohio - very unlike any birthday that she has known in Tucson - in fact - school was let out at 1 p.m. because of the weather. The temperatures are frigid and probably will be for days to come. But there is one thing that warms you to the core - and that is our precious Glory Redd. Have a happy birthday, Darlin'. We're wishing we could be with you on Saturday when you celebrate - those brownines sound awesome:)