Grandma Roskelley

When I was visiting Dad earlier this month I tried to go through some of the "stuff" that drives him crazy and that I worry about because often in between unimportant things VERY important things are nestled. You have to go through each piece of paper because you never know what you will find.

Well, I did find something that I found absolutely stunning...it was the adoption decree from a judge in the state of Montana granting the adoption of my grandmother, Wanda Bingham Roskelley to James Howell Hendricks! I had known that my grandmother loved this man, that she felt like he really loved her and cared about her as his daughter. I had known that he had married my great grandmother in Montana and that Grandma had stood with them during the ceremony, holding his hand, and she felt like she had married him too. I had known that he had been the one to pay for Grandma to go to Valparaiso, Indiana to boarding school and that she had absolutely loved that experience. I had known that he had talked to my great-great grandmother about adopting her and that she had felt that it was inappropriate because there was no tie to her once her mother had divorced him. I had known that adoption was something that she would have wanted, but I didn't know that it had actually occurred. I brought the decree home and placed it in my file with the intention of scanning it and other important papers and photos so that each of our families might have copies.

Well, on Friday of last week I decided that it was time to clean out the garage. We have been here for a year and while it has been an event filled year - I want to finally be settled. I still have things to do and boxes to unpack and pictures to hang, etc. but I really am feeling the desire to make this house a home. It is time to get all the boxes gone!

As I opened box after box, putting some things away, putting other things in a give away box, stacking things I don't know what to do with at the moment, finding things that I once knew we had but had forgotten, and gathering a huge pile of things that need to be organized at a later time I came across a navy blue paper Book of Remembrance with my Grandmother's writing on it. It has her handwriting on the front but to my knowledge I have NEVER seen this before. When I opened it I was amazed to find she had started tracing the genealogical lines of James Howell Hendricks and even had a family group sheet with her as the adopted child of James Howell Hendricks and Julia Abigail Smith Bingham. Again, I was STUNNED!

Chills come so easily as I consider the feelings that accompany these two events - I cannot dismiss them. They are miracles to me - not any less earth shattering as the parting of the Red Sea. The implications of these finds and their full ramification are not known to me at this time. I am still trying to grapple with what I know and what it means - and trying to determine what should be done with this information. I did a quick Family Search scan to determine if any ordinance work had been done - and after just a cursory look I cannot find any.

Perhaps the thing that is so troubling to me is having some idea of how my Grandmother felt, especially in her last years. During much of my life she didn't talk too much about her feelings about her life and especially as a child. But, as her life drew to a close she became a bit more open and expressed a little of her feelings of abandonment and lack of love from her biological father, Parley Pratt Bingham, Jr. and her mother. She had written several autobiographies or life histories and when you read them you can understand why she did feel that way. However, in all the genealogy that she ever did, and I have the original Book of Remembrance that she made for me when I was a baby, she never had anything about James Howell Hendricks. She used the biological lines exclusively. I guess that is why I didn't believe that the adoption had actually happened. I do remember my mother often wondering where my Grandmother's original Book of Remembrance was because she believed that there would be things in there that weren't part of the records that she had given us...but she (Mom) also believed that Grandma had taken her book apart to make copies for each of her children so that they could have a record too, and she felt that it had never been reassembled.

So, what is to be done at this point? In light of the knowledge that the adoption did occur and how much Grandma loved him, do we drop the Bingham line? This doesn't feel right - while I know that Grandma felt abandoned and unloved by her father it doesn't mean that was the case. His life was further complicated by the fact that he had remarried and had children by that marriage - in fact - those children became beloved brother and sisters to my Grandma. I also know that my great-great grandfather Bingham always tried to maintain family ties with Grandma, just as I would do if something like this had happened in the life of one of my grandchildren.

Do we just add the James Howell Hendricks line as a collateral line? Somehow that doesn't feel right either. Great-grandpa Hendricks went out of his way to formally adopt Grandma when her mother passed away and she had no parents to speak of. Grandma's mother had divorced great-grandpa Hendricks when Grandma was eleven. Her mother died when Grandma was 15 and great-grandpa Hendricks cared enough about Grandma to pursue the adoption of her at that time, with it being completed when she is 16. I don't know what her relationship was with her biological father at this time - and the court was satisfied that he had abandoned her when the adoption was made - but perhaps that was just legalese and great-grandpa Bingham knew that by giving up his parental rights Grandma could have a home where she felt loved and wanted - and while he may well have loved and wanted her - he may have known that she would never "feel" that way about him or the home he could provide for her. I also know that Grandma's association and love for great-grandpa Hendricks spanned a lifetime. It wasn't until I found the Book of Remembrance that I was able to piece together the ties that bind. During the depression Grandma and Grandpa went to Washington to live - they lived in the same area as great-grandpa Hendricks - and in fact - he passed away shortly after my mother was born. Obviously Grandma felt the safety and love of a parent. The records that I have don't specifically state it - but I wonder if Grandma had gone there after her divorce from Grandpa after Jack was born. And then, Granpa went there to effect a reconcilliation - which actually did happen and they were remarried and had Gale and Mom and eventually Vance before divorcing a final time.

What would the Lord have us do, considering the two miracles that just occurred? If, indeed they are miracles as I feel they are, wouldn't that indicate that the work needs to be done? I doubt there would be any difficulty in doing the work in light of the adoption. I am so glad that the Lord gets to straighten this all out in the eternities! For now, I guess I will just put one foot in front of the other and pray that the Spirit will direct me to know what to do. And right at this moment I am so humbled and awed that a man who had no responsibility at all would rescue my Grandmother, love her, and care for her. That he would recognize that he had the power to help her and give her the stability she so needed and then act on it - even in the face of opposition from well intentioned family and others who might deem it unseemly - is a true testament of the kind of man he was. It would seem that Grandma was a great judge of character because she loved him too.

Remembering

Today is my grandmother, Wanda Bingham Roskelley's 110th birthday. She is such a wonderful person - such an elect lady. It is only now that I think I even get the significance of her role in my life. She taught me to crochet, to sew, to piece and to tie quilts, to do genealogy, to make bread and pies. Recipes that she made to feed her little family through the dark days of the depression still live with us today - "hamburgers in gravy" is one of my favorites but the one that probably gets used most frequently is "hamburger gravy." I love her crystal pickles (as does Wanda) and banana bread and lemon meringue pie. She was frugal and generous, kind and consistent, thrifty and industrious. I can NEVER remember her ever sitting in a chair with her hands idle - she was either crocheting, studying the scriptures, working a crossword puzzle, or doing something else for the benefit of others. I can't ever remember her ever saying a negative word about anything or anybody either - a trait I admire and would so like to develop. She loved tomatoes and raspberries, and cucumbers in vinegar. She loved to learn and I still have a book of drawings that she made for her biology class when she was in school in Valparaiso, Indiana that are absolutely stunning in their detail and artistry. She held high standards and I can remember her saying things like, "a job's not done if it isn't done right." She insisted on proper English and dress. She loved going to the temple and she loved family history. She didn't like the tv series "Mash" or "I Love Lucy." I suspect Mash was because of losing her son in the Korean conflict. Now, I Love Lucy - I am just guessing - but I think she probably thought that it was stupid and insipid - but it's just a guess. She had a difficult childhood and life - but she never complained. She loved her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren fiercely. She loved my Mom and taught her so very well. And she loved me. I love you, Grandma. I am so grateful that you were born!

Today I had a thought that I ought to write a brief synopsis of what happened last year before I forget...I always think that will never happen, especially when things have been particularly momentous...but time really does take it's toll and I am always amazed at how fuzzy things can become so fast. I find that I can often remember an event, but placing it in time can be difficult. And then, who's to say I even remember the event at all! LOL

Anyway - I will try to put this in some kind of chronological order because that may be the best chance I have of remembering.

In October of 2008, on Conference Weekend, Felicia had a car accident that totaled her car. Rich had come home to help pack up the moving truck and drive it out to Tennessee - but he and I stopped for a few hours and bought a van for us so that we could give our car to Felicia to use. The next couple of weeks I finished packing (with the help of friends, family, and ward) out of the house we were renting in Westminster, Colorado, cleaned it, and moved in with Desi and Mike.

In November I then drove to Utah so that I could get Felicia the car and other things she wanted and needed. I spent a week there with Dad and got to see my brothers and their families and Felicia. I had been back to Utah in June/July (with Wanda and her little brood, Cherstin and Abby and Emmett, Hannah and Orion, and Felicia) while Felicia looked over BYU. Then I had driven out with her in August/September when she returned for school and stayed for Jenna's wedding. And, while things hadn't radically changed in that amount of time I was glad to have the chance to get back there before our move to Tennessee. I flew back to Denver and shortly Rich and Felicia joined me and Desi and Mike, Mordecai and Emily for Thanksgiving. We had a lovely time with everyone and then we said our goodbyes and packed up a trailer with some of the things that were left from the packing of the house and my personal belongings and drove out to Tennessee. We stopped for a couple of days in Oklahoma with Cherstin and Dan but we were anxious to get back and get things put away so that Rich could get back to work.

In December (just a few weeks later)Rich and I drove back through Oklahoma (staying a couple of days again with Cherstin and Dan) and on in to Colorado for Christmas with Desi, Mike, Emily, Mordecai, and Felicia. We had a lovely time again but this trip had been planned specifically (the the added bonus of Christmas with the kids) to get out of the storage units that we had there and to get my plants and get home. So we packed out of the storage units, packed up the plants, said our goodbyes, and headed east.

Now this is where my memory is fading already - hmmm - maybe I do have Alzheimer's! I would call Desi and ask her because I know she would remember - but I think I'll just let this stand as a testament to how quickly timing of events can fade and hopefully I (along with anyone else who reads this) will learn to record when things happened and not later on. Anyway - Desi had been having a long battle with kidney stones. All through her pregnancy with Mordecai and then afterwards. I specifically remember her Dad being with me and Emily and Mordecai too while we took her for tests and to dr. appointments. But I think these were during the Thanksgiving period because Emily got hooked watching Polar Express in our van while waiting for Desi and that was a lifesaver. I also remember that Rich and I talked about getting her a copy of the movie for Christmas and that Desi told me Emily was watching it on tv one night before we got there. But I believe Desi had one of her many surgeries just as we were leaving from Christmas (and it could have been Thanksgiving 0 SEE!!!) At any rate - I felt awful about leaving. She had been through so much and yet I needed to complete the move and we had time constraints, etc. Lexie Ludwig and Crystal were there to help her for the few days right after the surgery. I was so grateful to our church family. My heart was breaking as I pulled away from the curb but I was so confident in her care and recovery that I felt to express my gratitude to one and all.

As we drove east through Kansas we then headed northeast into Nebraska and Iowa and finally into Wisconsin to drop things off at Wanda's and Hannah's - especially plants. It had turned bitter cold and while the plants were in the back of our van as opposed to the trailer - some did not fare very well. In fact - a year later and some of these are still making their way back. We then left Wisconsin and headed south for Tennessee.

Rich's back had been bothering him and he had thought it was the bed. He put an eggshell foam cover on it - helped some. Tried nerve stimulation, therapy, analgesics, pain meds, nothing seemed to help very much. So finally Dr. May referred him to a neurosurgeon here in Oak Ridge. We went to see him in January. Going there we were reminded that you never know when the Church and the gospel might become the topic of conversation. He had given us a history to fill out and on it they wanted the names and ages of all of our children (who knows why?). As he went over the list he noted that we had six children to which he responded, "What are you, Mormon or something?" To which Rich responded, "Well, yes, we are!" We watched the red flush of embarrassment completely cover his face as he struggled to know how to respond. After what seemed to be 5-10 seconds he responded that he had known a few Mormons in his life and, "they were actually some very nice people." We have laughed about it over and over - you never know who is watching you!

Anyway - he (the neurosurgeon) found from the MRI that Rich had actually broken a vertebrae in his back, and while the discs were bulging in the area, he didn't think that was the problem. He thought the break was causing a pinched nerve and recommended that he go to a pain specialist who could deaden the nerve with radio-frequency procedures - and if that didn't work then he would fuse his back. Well, we saw the pain specialist and after a series of procedures - he has been relatively pain free. Yeah! Modern medicine is sure nice when it works!