Doctors and Mortality

Today I went to the doctor. I had gone to my eye doctor a few weeks ago because I was experiencing a sudden change in my vision. He had noted that my prescription had radically improved - and that kind of change usually was precipitated by a change in blood sugars or insulin and recommended that I get in to see my pcp - which I did. Dr. May did a lab panel and I will get the results back in a few days.

Mike (my brother) called and shared that he had taken Dad to the doctor this morning. He said that the doctor had given Dad materials to plan the end of his life. These would be advance directive materials as well as materials to help him and us make decisions that will be coming in the future. The doctor also discussed the potential problems that will most likely be occurring in the next few years and the survival rate and conditions. Mike said that the doctor looked right at Dad and said, "Joe, you're not going to be here in 10 years. I am not saying you are going to die today, tomorrow, or even next year. But these are things you need to discuss with your family." Mike said that it was a very difficult time and as he shared the meeting with me I could tell by his voice that it was even harder than he was letting on.

One of the reasons that Mike had taken Dad back to the doctor was because he wanted to have him put back on the Arricept as opposed to the Exelon patch. He felt that Dad had done better on it. The doctor agreed but cautioned Dad and Mike that the decline in cognitive ability was gone - it is not coming back. The doctor told Dad that it was important for him to take the medication because we wanted him "here" as long as possible. As things slip for Dad he becomes more and more miserly - not wanting to pay for medications and other kinds of needs (i.e. hearing aids, CT scans, vacuum bags, etc.) - always saying that he doesn't have the money. He does have the money but I think he is returning to his youth and early adulthood mentally and this is becoming a huge issue.

Mike believes that we (all the kids) ought to hold a family meeting to discuss these things and especially how we might help Dad preserve his independence and dignity for as long as possible. He is talking about next week - but I am not sure that I can get there that quickly - maybe the next week - we'll have to see.

I would like him to come live with me - but I worry that I would be taking him from everything familiar and from those he loves and Mom. I don't know how well he would maintain what he has left (cognitively). I also don't know if he would be happy here, away from everything and everyone. But I sure make the most sense. Everyone else will have to make huge family adjustments and I wouldn't have to do that much. If he were in worse shape it wouldn't matter - but he is in relatively good condition - just slipping fast. What to do? We're going to need the wisdom of Solomon.