Home - Provo

After Dad was discharged from the Army, Mom and Dad returned to Provo, Utah for Dad to continue his education at BYU.  We lived in Wymount Terrace, the university's married housing area.  I was really young - like 2 1/2 or so when we moved there so I don't have lots of memories...but the memories I have are my earliest.  

As I recall, the buildings in the old Wymount looked kind of like the base housing in Germany.  There were three floors, I think, and I'm not sure, but I think we lived on the second floor.  I remember that there was a shower in the bathroom, but no tub.  I remember mom had a metal/steel wash tub that she would fill with water in the shower and bathe me.  I remember the kitchen table and mom cooking meals, especially breakfast, and I remember that Mike was just a baby when dad would hold him on his lap while mom was cooking breakfast and invariably, mom would give dad his plate and Mike would sneeze all over it and dad would groan and sigh with a, "Geeeze! Every morning!"  I can still hear him say it! Lol



I went to nursery school somewhere close, probably in someone's home.  I don't remember much except that one day Johnny Weismiller threw sand in my hair and it really upset me...probably just a little girl/little boy event!  



I remember taking my dad to the hospital so that he could have his tonsils out.  He had to stay there for a couple of days and it was kind of scary to me.  I remember visiting him and the doctor telling mom that he had hemorrhaged and I could feel my mom's worry.  I also remember going with her to a furniture store to buy our first tv - she wanted to surprise dad with it when he came home from the hospital for his recuperation.  We had that tv until we moved to Germany in 1966, even though several years before that dad had taken the tubes out of the tv to check them at the Albertson's on State Street...but I think it must have been the picture tube because all it was used for until we moved to Germany was a stand for another tv. Lol!



I remember Dad being called as ward clerk in our ward and feeling pretty proud, even at that age!  I remember him walking up and down the aisles of the ward, counting the attendance and thinking he was so important! Lol!  I remember Mom sharing that this period of time was a difficult time for her and Dad - probably due mostly to their long separation while Dad was in Korea and Japan, and I'll bet Dad struggled a bit with some ptsd too.  Mom shared that Dad went to a bishopric meeting one night and he stayed and talked with the bishop for a lengthy period of time after.  She told me that when he came home he was miraculously kind of changed and things went much easier from then on.  She said she never asked about what he'd shared but she was grateful for the bishop and Dad's visit with him as I think she'd felt their relationship might not make it sometimes...but from then on she felt the peace come that only the Lord can provide.  I would suspect that that experience, and others like it, were some of the reasons he was such a great bishop himself.  He knew what it was to struggle, to feel unloved, scared, lonely, worried, or confused and he loved people.  



I also remember one particular Sunday when we were headed to church.  Mom and Dad were ready to walk out the door and just needed to get Mike and so sent me ahead of them down the stairs.  It seems to me that they warned me to not take my tricycle out and ride it as it was Sunday.  However, whether they warned me or not, I took my tricycle out of the entry of the building and up the gentle incline of the sidewalk at the end of the building and tried to ride it.  I tipped it over and tore up my chin, bleeding all over my dress and trike and sidewalk.  Obviously they were just coming out of the building and my screams and wails were probably loud enough to wake the neighborhood.  I remember feeling so guilty as i had disobeyed and I knew I had broken the Sabbeth...I was sure that was the reason I had fallen. I was also feeling guilty because Mom and Dad had discussed what they needed to do and it was obvious that I was going to have to have stitches so Dad wouldn't be able to fill his calling as Ward Clerk because I would need to go to the hospital.  Needless to say, I did end up at the hospital to get stitches.  Dad took me in to the treatment room and Mom stayed in the waiting area with Mike.  However, I guess when the Dr. started to give me the numbing injections Dad passed out and the Dr. had Mom come in with me and had Dad sit in a chair with his head between his knees! Lol!



I remember the day that Dad graduated from school...President David O. McKay came and passed out the diplomas.  Even then I was impressed.  I wore a pink dress that I had worn or would wear wear for Muriel's wedding...I was the flower girl...but I don't remember who Muriel is!



Finally - I remember Mom driving the car up to Salt Lake City and riding with Dad in a truck with our household goods to our new home which was the east side duplex next to the home that Mom and Dad would soon purchase and become our family home on Delno Drive.

For me - these years we foundational.  We had family prayers, played together, had story time, and I became a big sister.  I felt loved and secure.  Indeed, we was born of goodly parents!

Biopsy Day

We had to be at the hospital at 6 am.  I would much rather be one of the first patients in for a procedure that later in the day, so it was fine for me...and I'm a morning person...Rich really isn't!

When we got there it wasn't very long and I was called back.  Of course there was the obligatory blood work and iv line which went smooth enough because I have great veins.

As I was taken back to the procedure room it became evident that there was a little hiccup.  Evidently it is usual protocol that a patient has seen the dr BEFORE the biopsy instead of the reverse and it became quite evident that the hospital staff was unsure if the biopsy would go forward.  However, the surgeon talked with Dr. Thomson and they took a little bit of a history of me and decided to proceed.  Yes!  Although - if truth be told - I had said a silent prayer that the Lord would open the door if that were His will - so my personal belief is that it was another, in a long string, of the Lord's tender mercies on my behalf.  As I reflect on these miracles I feel so humbled to know how blessed I am. 

The surgeon indicated that there were many things that could be going on but again, the major concern is the mass in the midline of my liver, where the pancreas, duodenum, and liver meet.  He said it could be liver cancer, benign tumors, infection, matatastic cancer, or even lymph nodes...and reiterated that is what they are hoping to discover by the biopsy.  He seemed to infer that there were other "spots" or "locations" but wouldn't (and I tried valiantly to get him to discuss this) go there.  I was left wondering if he meant there were other parts of my body that were suspicious (that I had inferred were ok from the initial discussion with Dr. Culbert) or if he was referring to addional spots on the liver, but he just wouldn't go there...he was laser focused on his task and perhaps that really is the best.

In any event, the procedure went well and it's another tender mercy!  I had thought I would be home shortly after the procedure but hadn't realized I would need to be on bed rest for three hours before I could leave...the liver is very vascular and the risk of hemorrhage is pretty high...so I just laid, slept on and off...and waited for the hours to pass.  By 1 pm I was finally on my way home.

We stopped for a bite to eat and then I wanted to check out plastic totes at Walmart.  But, I really hadn't gotten too far into Walmart and realized that I just needed to go home and rest for a few hours.  I went upstairs, Rich followed, and we both took a couple hours nap.  I felt much better after that and Rich REALLY crashed hard...finally!

While Rich continued to snooze I went and worked on a quilt, fixed some supper and then we just kicked back and relaxed for the evening.  All in all - I'd say it's been a good day!  My anxiety now rests with concern that the pathology report be finished for my appointment with Dr. Thomson on Friday...but we'll see....  

Today and Concord, California (Residence #2)

Today has been an emotional roller coaster.  We started our fast yesterday as we knew that some of our family would be fasting today and we wanted to join in, knowing that the biopsy will be Wednesday and I had requested a blessing from Rich and another Elder of his choosing.  All morning I struggled to gain control of my emotions.  One minute I was able to concentrate and then the next I was worried and fearful.  I have been praying for peace and understanding, and to have my faith strengthened, knowing that no matter what the outcome, I will need these great blessings.  The messages of Sacrament Meeting, Sunday School, and Relief Society were all tailor made for me it seemed.  After meetings I met Rich and Brother Dahl for a blessing.  I knew that Rich would be ever stalwert, but anxious as I think this blessing seemed to loom so large.  As Brother Dahl anointed and Rich sealed the anointing with the blessing, my tears flowed freely, and peace descended. It has remained with me all day and I count it a the most exquisite blessing!

These last few days I have ever considered more deeply the character of the Savior.  As I have struggled to keep my balance, to keep focused on the important, to not give in to the fear I have contemplated how extraordinary the Savior's last days, maybe even weeks and months must have been.  There is no evidence that he EVER turned from the throngs of followers that sought his help, the teaching that he continued to do, the organizing of his kingdom, and I'm sure that his own personal needs for rest and food were often the last things he did.  And, yet, he must have been weighed down mightily by the knowledge of what would shortly come to pass...The Mt. Of Olives...the trial...the scourging...Calvary...and yet he persisted in being about his Father's will instead of worrying about his own health and welfare.  If anyone had reason to run or fear, it was him!  But he steadfastly stayed the course.  He stayed focused on others, his mission, his Father in Heaven.  Wow! What big shoes I have to follow!

To continue with my life story questions....

When Dad went to Korea, Mom and I went to live with my Gandmother Roskelley in Concord, California.  I've always felt a deep connection to my Grandma.  Perhaps it is because of the time that I spent there with her at this time.  Who knows?

Mom tried her best to help me know my Dad through photos and letter, but I was just 4 or 5 months old when he left and nearly two when he returned.  Evidently she had a photo of my Dad in his army uniform and when my Uncle Vance came home I assumed he was my Daddy, because he wore a uniform and was male.  He was my "favorite" uncle, by the way!  Lol

It was while we were staying with Grandma that my Grandfather passed away...in July 1954.  I believe Mom was there when he died.  And, I believe that his last words were something  to the effect of, "take care of your mom".  I've always wondered how his wife must have felt about that...but I think he really did love my Grandma, even though they had had such a rocky relationship.

As I have been doing work to get through mountains of paperwork and old pics I have had the opportunity to look into her and Grandpa.  I don't know much.  She was born in Massachussetts and was married previously, with three children from that marriage.  I called Cathy and Gayle (my cousins) to see what they knew, especially since she hadn't died until 1984.  I don't remember ever meeting her in all the trips we made to California as a kid.  Gayle's mother intimated to her that Catherine (Gandpa's wife) had been kind of a money grubber....although I can't imagine that Grandpa had anything much to grub!  Lol!  Kathy just dismissed the inquiry - probably because she really doesn't know anything more than I do.  Neither of them have any memory of her.  I did a cursory check on the kids and found her and her first husband and kids on a 1940 census and then found a death record for the husband.  It would seem that they (the family) ought to be sealed.  I need to see about where the temple work stands.

Also - I pulled my Grandma's adoption record and will work to get the work ready to have her sealed to him.  I think she deserves that...however...I will fast and pray about that this coming Sunday before I do it.  And I'll prepare his parents family at the same time.

When Dad came home from Korea and Japan Mom and Dad stayed in Pacific Grove for a few months until Dad was separated.  When Joey and Carlie had Gideon, Mom and Dad were able to come to the blessing.  We slipped out afterwards for a trip down there and it was fun to take a walk down memory lane with them.  

Denver 2016 - Milly and Mordecai

It has been a very eventful month. Even though Desi wasn't due to have Milly until the 2nd of May, I knew she'd have her earlier than that...and she did...on the 13th of April! Needless to say, we hadn't left yet so we made final preparations and left town on Saturday. It was so good to meet little Milly. She looks just like Mordecai! She's tiny, pretty quiet, and absolutely adored by everyone. Desi took her in for her one month dr appointment on this past Monday and was pretty thrilled to learn that she's gained weight to 7 lb. 7 oz.  During our time there I attended a "Mother/Daughter Tea" with Desi and Emily put on for the activity day girls for Mother's Day, attend two pinewood derbies - one for Mordecai and one for Emily (they both won), attend field day for Emily and Mordecai, their piano recital, and the play that they were in from school - Lion King, Jr. Felicia and Tom and Noah and Georgia came down about a week after we got there. Tom was there just a day and then flew out to Maine to be with his parents for a week (his father had a lung removed a week and a half earlier due to lung cancer). While he was gone we drove to their new condo in Rock Springs for the night, got up the next morning and drove to SLC, drove back to Rock Springs and then drove back to Denver the next day so that we could spend some time with Joey, who'd flown in to run the Spartan Race with Mike. While we were in Utah we went to the distribution center, visited the cemetery to see Mom and Dad, and went to dinner with my brothers. We also got ice cream at the iceberg with Joseph. We left Tuesday to return home and arrived here early this morning. It feels good to be home and of course, we went grocery shopping today since there wasn't much to eat! Lol! And it is nice to know that Joey returned safe and sound, as did Felicia and family, and that Desi and her little family can get back to normal!    

 

What a Week!

Thursday, June 23, 2016   This has been a whirlwind week, in many respects, and it only promises to get more harried as the next few weeks and months come.   For a few months I have had recurring bouts of not feeling very good…food not settling, gas, just a general kind of malaise.  Symptoms have been vague enough and infrequent enough that I just haven’t paid them any attention.  When we were at Desi’s in April we went to a donut shop our first weekend there and I ate, against my better judgement, an apple fritter.  All the family knows I don’t do well with sweet things on an empty stomach, I think it's kind of a hypoglycemia type of reaction, and can end up feeling really yucky for hours afterwards.  My reaction is strong enough that I rarely do…in fact…I’d rather have nothing than a donut.  However, against my better judgement, I ate the apple fritter and immediately I was miserable.  But this time the misery just didn’t go away.  I was sick all Saturday, Sunday, and even most of Monday.  Rich and I both noted that I had been having similar trouble off and on, however not for any length of time, for long enough that perhaps I ought to get things checked out when we got home.   For the rest of the trip I seemed to do fairly well but I did note that I wasn’t eating as much and I was glad as I have been working on trying to be more diligent at measuring and logging my food as well as being mindful of what and how much I am eating…hoping to finally come off conquerer in the ever present weight battle.   I came home and for the last month it has been pretty much the same…until last week.  All week seemed a little more yucky than normal but again, I didn’t pay much attention to it.  But by Friday I was miserable.  We had been in Morristown for acupuncture late Friday afternoon and so we stopped for dinner at a new restaurant there called Holston’s Kitchen.  I ordered the cod and ate all the cod and most of the Cole slaw but I knew I was uncomfortable.  All evening I was miserable.  I was miserable on Saturday.  I went to practice the organ, ran to Sam’s for Father’s Day items for the ward, and came home and just sat.  I didn’t fix a meal and couldn’t eat…and didn’t want to eat.  I tried an enema, thinking that I might be constipated…but it wasn’t effective.  So I took a stool softener and just tried to relax.  Sunday I went to church, played the organ, went to my classes, and came home…again not eating a thing.  Poor Rich!  It was father’s day and I didn’t even fix anything to eat!  I had seriously thought about going to the ER but decided that if things weren’t better in the morning I would make an appointment with Dr. May in the morning.   Come Monday morning, about 5 am, I knew that things weren’t any better.  I was up for an hour or so and then slept off and on until I could call her office for an appointment at 8:30.  When I got through they told me that Dr. May had no appointments available but Dr. Culbert had an 11:45 appt. available.  I took it.  However, I had no sooner hung up that their office called back with the news that they had a 9:30 with Dr. May.  Tender Mercy!!!!!!   When I got there Dr. May was as thorough and caring as always!  I just love her!!!!  She squished around on my abdomen and noted that it was kind of bloated and that she could feel something hard.  She initially said she’d like to do a ct scan with contrast but then decided to just run a regular ct scan because it would be a day or two to get the one done with contrast and she could get the regular one done that day.  She ran some blood work and ran down an appt for the ct scan and I left.   When I got home I told Rich all that had happened and we just laid together, watched an episode of JAG and waited for the time to pass.   We got to the hospital at 2 pm for my appointment but it was nearly 3:30 before I got in.  Then I was told to wait in the reception area until my Dr. Called.  When the call came it was Dr. Culbert.  Evidently Dr. May had gone home early as she wasn’t feeling well and left her patients with Dr. Culbert.  He informed me that the radiology dr, a Dr. Barron, had called him with a preliminary report and it was their opinion that I should go to the ER and have them do a work up as there were “lesions” on/in my liver.   So, we headed down the hall to the ER, checked in, and finally saw Dr. Palmer.  He had the difficult news to give that the “masses” may indeed be cancer (although not for sure) and that he would talk with the oncologist to determine how best to proceed.  To say that Rich and I were in shock would be an understatement.  We just literally clung to one another, neither of us having words to express the flooding emotions we were both experiencing.  Then my sweet husband gave me a blessing.   It wasn’t long until Dr. Palmer returned with the news that he had indeed talked to Dr. Thomson, the oncologist.  Evidently Oak Ridge has a great deal of experience treating cancer because of the labs here…but liver cancer isn’t one of them and Dr. Palmer had thought it might be best to refer me to UT who would, but after talking with Dr. Thomson he recommended that they get me in to see him and have an IR biopsy done first so that we’d know what we’re dealing with and how best to proceed, who and where would be the best to treat it, etc.   We left with his condolences and best wishes, a script for Xanax (he was very compassionate) noting that this news was not easy to give and he could only imagine how difficult it was to receive.  He thought that the Xanax would help with the nerves, anxiety, and uncertainty for the next few days.  Rich quipped something like, “can you give me one too?”  I so wish he’d have been able to do that as I truly believe it is harder on the loved one than it is on the patient!!!!  Dr. Palmer had also had the opportunity to talk with Dr. May and he relayed her love and support in any way possible.  Did I say I just LOVE her????   During the few minutes Dr. Palmer was out of the room, Rich and I discussed how difficult this was going to be to tell the kids.  We seriously debated about the advisability of just waiting until after the biopsy, when we would know something for sure.  But, we decided that waiting would blindside them and as tough as this is, it would be better for them to know what we were doing.  It was a good thing too as just as we were walking out of the ER Felicia called, wanting news of the CT.  She had called while I had been at Dr. May’s and then as I was driving home, so she knew they were sending me for the scan.  I was able to tell her about our doings of those last few hours and she was concerned.     As I hung up from her, we drove to Kroger’s to get the script filled and decided to go get a bite to eat as I hadn’t eaten in 3 days and Rich hadn’t had a real meal in that time either.  Joey called next and we were able to share the news with him.  He too is concerned and keeping us in his prayers.  I was able to eat a little bit of my food and got a doggie box to bring the rest home…just not much appetite and not anxious to experience the pain and misery that seems to accompany whatever this is that’s going on.   We picked up the script, ran the car through the car wash, and got a bag of ice and headed home to call the rest of the kids…both of our phones were dead or near dead.   Our calls were made a bit easier as we had told Felicia that she could tell her sibs and that we’d call each of them as we could.  Of course they all have questions, worries, and concerns…but they all share with us their love and support and prayers.  What great people they are!!!!  How am I so lucky to have them as my children????  Each of them individually and all of them collectively are such blessings and examples to me…I can only hope to become like them someday!   That night I took a Xanax and slept like a log.  Rich, on the other hand, had a miserable night.  I hoped that he would crash the next night, but that wasn’t much better for him.  When he wakes this morning, I hope he’ll report he was able to sleep, if not, I will suggest we go see Dr. May for something to help him, at least until after we see Dr. Thomson.  His health needs are great and I don’t want him compromised any more than he has to be.   Tuesday morning I got up and prepared my institute lesson and gave it.  Rich had an appointment with his physical trainer and we ended back at the house just after noon.  We hadn’t heard from Dr. Thomson’s office, so, as per Dr. Palmer’s instructions, at 1 pm I called his office and scheduled a new patient appointment and asked about scheduling the biopsy.  The new patient scheduler couldn’t do that but gave me the number to call.  I did that and tried to relate was we needed (Dr. Palmer had actually given me a little script of what to say :).  She told me she would sent a message to Dr. Thomson’s nurse and she would know what to do.  Don’t ya love it?  In your head you think it’ll be so easy to just get in, get out, and everything is done in a few minutes!  But I did have the appt. with Dr. Thomson scheduled for the following Wednesday!   I decided that I would go visit a sister that I have been a VT to for years (and a good friend) in the convalescent home just down the street.  I left my phone with Rich so that if Dr. Thomson’s nurse called he could relay what we were needing and co-ordinate with her.  I knew the nursing home can have spotty reception.  I was gone about and hour and a half and indeed, Dr. Thomson’s nurse had called but said she needed to talk to Dr. Thomson and schedule the biopsy with the hospital.  She would call us in the morning. So – yesterday the nurse called and told me that she hadn’t forgotten me.  That’s always nice to know! LOL!  But, the hospital would be the setting the appointment and since this would require co-ordinating with surgery, anesthesiology, and radiology she didn’t know exactly when it would be yet…but she’d get back with me.   Then Dr. May’s nurse called to tell me that the blood work they had run Monday had come back with no significant abnormalities!  For some reason, it was as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders!  I felt and continue to feel lighter in every way.  Dr. May had wanted to get the info to me as soon as possible so I hadn't had a chance to talk to her so I’m not sure of what it all really means, but I’ll take it!  The patient portal shows the lab work but it won’t open…and neither does anything on Rich’s…so it must be some kind of IT problem.   And, then Dr. Thomson’s nurse called to tell me that the biopsy has been scheduled for Wednesday, June 29th.  And, since Dr. Thomson will have all the results of all the tests by Friday, July 1st…my appointment was moved to then.  All in all - I'm feeling very blessed and grateful for all the tender mercies that just keep flowing in.  I have no idea where this is going but all that I can think of when my mind jumps the tracks and heads into the “What if…” Is the scripture, “Be still, and know that I am God.”  How grateful I am for my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and my knowledge and assurity that I am a beloved daughter of my Heavenly Father, that I am in His hands, and that there are no better hands to be in!!!!       Now I guess I better get my quilts done and get on that family history!!!!