What a Week!

Thursday, June 23, 2016   This has been a whirlwind week, in many respects, and it only promises to get more harried as the next few weeks and months come.   For a few months I have had recurring bouts of not feeling very good…food not settling, gas, just a general kind of malaise.  Symptoms have been vague enough and infrequent enough that I just haven’t paid them any attention.  When we were at Desi’s in April we went to a donut shop our first weekend there and I ate, against my better judgement, an apple fritter.  All the family knows I don’t do well with sweet things on an empty stomach, I think it's kind of a hypoglycemia type of reaction, and can end up feeling really yucky for hours afterwards.  My reaction is strong enough that I rarely do…in fact…I’d rather have nothing than a donut.  However, against my better judgement, I ate the apple fritter and immediately I was miserable.  But this time the misery just didn’t go away.  I was sick all Saturday, Sunday, and even most of Monday.  Rich and I both noted that I had been having similar trouble off and on, however not for any length of time, for long enough that perhaps I ought to get things checked out when we got home.   For the rest of the trip I seemed to do fairly well but I did note that I wasn’t eating as much and I was glad as I have been working on trying to be more diligent at measuring and logging my food as well as being mindful of what and how much I am eating…hoping to finally come off conquerer in the ever present weight battle.   I came home and for the last month it has been pretty much the same…until last week.  All week seemed a little more yucky than normal but again, I didn’t pay much attention to it.  But by Friday I was miserable.  We had been in Morristown for acupuncture late Friday afternoon and so we stopped for dinner at a new restaurant there called Holston’s Kitchen.  I ordered the cod and ate all the cod and most of the Cole slaw but I knew I was uncomfortable.  All evening I was miserable.  I was miserable on Saturday.  I went to practice the organ, ran to Sam’s for Father’s Day items for the ward, and came home and just sat.  I didn’t fix a meal and couldn’t eat…and didn’t want to eat.  I tried an enema, thinking that I might be constipated…but it wasn’t effective.  So I took a stool softener and just tried to relax.  Sunday I went to church, played the organ, went to my classes, and came home…again not eating a thing.  Poor Rich!  It was father’s day and I didn’t even fix anything to eat!  I had seriously thought about going to the ER but decided that if things weren’t better in the morning I would make an appointment with Dr. May in the morning.   Come Monday morning, about 5 am, I knew that things weren’t any better.  I was up for an hour or so and then slept off and on until I could call her office for an appointment at 8:30.  When I got through they told me that Dr. May had no appointments available but Dr. Culbert had an 11:45 appt. available.  I took it.  However, I had no sooner hung up that their office called back with the news that they had a 9:30 with Dr. May.  Tender Mercy!!!!!!   When I got there Dr. May was as thorough and caring as always!  I just love her!!!!  She squished around on my abdomen and noted that it was kind of bloated and that she could feel something hard.  She initially said she’d like to do a ct scan with contrast but then decided to just run a regular ct scan because it would be a day or two to get the one done with contrast and she could get the regular one done that day.  She ran some blood work and ran down an appt for the ct scan and I left.   When I got home I told Rich all that had happened and we just laid together, watched an episode of JAG and waited for the time to pass.   We got to the hospital at 2 pm for my appointment but it was nearly 3:30 before I got in.  Then I was told to wait in the reception area until my Dr. Called.  When the call came it was Dr. Culbert.  Evidently Dr. May had gone home early as she wasn’t feeling well and left her patients with Dr. Culbert.  He informed me that the radiology dr, a Dr. Barron, had called him with a preliminary report and it was their opinion that I should go to the ER and have them do a work up as there were “lesions” on/in my liver.   So, we headed down the hall to the ER, checked in, and finally saw Dr. Palmer.  He had the difficult news to give that the “masses” may indeed be cancer (although not for sure) and that he would talk with the oncologist to determine how best to proceed.  To say that Rich and I were in shock would be an understatement.  We just literally clung to one another, neither of us having words to express the flooding emotions we were both experiencing.  Then my sweet husband gave me a blessing.   It wasn’t long until Dr. Palmer returned with the news that he had indeed talked to Dr. Thomson, the oncologist.  Evidently Oak Ridge has a great deal of experience treating cancer because of the labs here…but liver cancer isn’t one of them and Dr. Palmer had thought it might be best to refer me to UT who would, but after talking with Dr. Thomson he recommended that they get me in to see him and have an IR biopsy done first so that we’d know what we’re dealing with and how best to proceed, who and where would be the best to treat it, etc.   We left with his condolences and best wishes, a script for Xanax (he was very compassionate) noting that this news was not easy to give and he could only imagine how difficult it was to receive.  He thought that the Xanax would help with the nerves, anxiety, and uncertainty for the next few days.  Rich quipped something like, “can you give me one too?”  I so wish he’d have been able to do that as I truly believe it is harder on the loved one than it is on the patient!!!!  Dr. Palmer had also had the opportunity to talk with Dr. May and he relayed her love and support in any way possible.  Did I say I just LOVE her????   During the few minutes Dr. Palmer was out of the room, Rich and I discussed how difficult this was going to be to tell the kids.  We seriously debated about the advisability of just waiting until after the biopsy, when we would know something for sure.  But, we decided that waiting would blindside them and as tough as this is, it would be better for them to know what we were doing.  It was a good thing too as just as we were walking out of the ER Felicia called, wanting news of the CT.  She had called while I had been at Dr. May’s and then as I was driving home, so she knew they were sending me for the scan.  I was able to tell her about our doings of those last few hours and she was concerned.     As I hung up from her, we drove to Kroger’s to get the script filled and decided to go get a bite to eat as I hadn’t eaten in 3 days and Rich hadn’t had a real meal in that time either.  Joey called next and we were able to share the news with him.  He too is concerned and keeping us in his prayers.  I was able to eat a little bit of my food and got a doggie box to bring the rest home…just not much appetite and not anxious to experience the pain and misery that seems to accompany whatever this is that’s going on.   We picked up the script, ran the car through the car wash, and got a bag of ice and headed home to call the rest of the kids…both of our phones were dead or near dead.   Our calls were made a bit easier as we had told Felicia that she could tell her sibs and that we’d call each of them as we could.  Of course they all have questions, worries, and concerns…but they all share with us their love and support and prayers.  What great people they are!!!!  How am I so lucky to have them as my children????  Each of them individually and all of them collectively are such blessings and examples to me…I can only hope to become like them someday!   That night I took a Xanax and slept like a log.  Rich, on the other hand, had a miserable night.  I hoped that he would crash the next night, but that wasn’t much better for him.  When he wakes this morning, I hope he’ll report he was able to sleep, if not, I will suggest we go see Dr. May for something to help him, at least until after we see Dr. Thomson.  His health needs are great and I don’t want him compromised any more than he has to be.   Tuesday morning I got up and prepared my institute lesson and gave it.  Rich had an appointment with his physical trainer and we ended back at the house just after noon.  We hadn’t heard from Dr. Thomson’s office, so, as per Dr. Palmer’s instructions, at 1 pm I called his office and scheduled a new patient appointment and asked about scheduling the biopsy.  The new patient scheduler couldn’t do that but gave me the number to call.  I did that and tried to relate was we needed (Dr. Palmer had actually given me a little script of what to say :).  She told me she would sent a message to Dr. Thomson’s nurse and she would know what to do.  Don’t ya love it?  In your head you think it’ll be so easy to just get in, get out, and everything is done in a few minutes!  But I did have the appt. with Dr. Thomson scheduled for the following Wednesday!   I decided that I would go visit a sister that I have been a VT to for years (and a good friend) in the convalescent home just down the street.  I left my phone with Rich so that if Dr. Thomson’s nurse called he could relay what we were needing and co-ordinate with her.  I knew the nursing home can have spotty reception.  I was gone about and hour and a half and indeed, Dr. Thomson’s nurse had called but said she needed to talk to Dr. Thomson and schedule the biopsy with the hospital.  She would call us in the morning. So – yesterday the nurse called and told me that she hadn’t forgotten me.  That’s always nice to know! LOL!  But, the hospital would be the setting the appointment and since this would require co-ordinating with surgery, anesthesiology, and radiology she didn’t know exactly when it would be yet…but she’d get back with me.   Then Dr. May’s nurse called to tell me that the blood work they had run Monday had come back with no significant abnormalities!  For some reason, it was as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders!  I felt and continue to feel lighter in every way.  Dr. May had wanted to get the info to me as soon as possible so I hadn't had a chance to talk to her so I’m not sure of what it all really means, but I’ll take it!  The patient portal shows the lab work but it won’t open…and neither does anything on Rich’s…so it must be some kind of IT problem.   And, then Dr. Thomson’s nurse called to tell me that the biopsy has been scheduled for Wednesday, June 29th.  And, since Dr. Thomson will have all the results of all the tests by Friday, July 1st…my appointment was moved to then.  All in all - I'm feeling very blessed and grateful for all the tender mercies that just keep flowing in.  I have no idea where this is going but all that I can think of when my mind jumps the tracks and heads into the “What if…” Is the scripture, “Be still, and know that I am God.”  How grateful I am for my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and my knowledge and assurity that I am a beloved daughter of my Heavenly Father, that I am in His hands, and that there are no better hands to be in!!!!       Now I guess I better get my quilts done and get on that family history!!!!