Second Infusion and Dad's Example in Huetschenhausen

Today was my appointment with Dr. Thompson preceding my second infusion.  My labs went well enough that it was a go.  He also seemed hopeful that since the first infusion, I haven't had a return of the pain that sent me to the ER.  I'm hopeful too, but a little reluctant as it seems the collective wisdom from my LMS support group that our tumors are so deep that seldom does what we feel seem to accurately reflect the actual results of the chemo.  At any rate, before my next chemo in three weeks I will have another ct scan with contrast to see what has been going on.  I remember very well that Dr. Keedy' expectations were that there might be as high as a 60% chance of tumor stability (no growth) which I'm hoping and praying my response is at least that good.  There is a 20% chance that there may be some shrinkage, especially in some of the smaller tumors.  Again, I'd really like to be in that 20%.  There is a lady in the LMS group who actually had a 50% reduction in all of her tumors after three rounds.  But there are many more who've had growth while on it.  Faith and prayer. Faith and prayer.

A good thing that may happen over the next few weeks is a possibility that a drug (olaramutab), when combined with doxorubicin increased effectiveness by 60% in recent trials, will be granted breakthrough  status from the FDA in short order...rumors suggest sometime in October.  My next infusion is scheduled for Halloween.  I'd LOVE to have that happen and be able to combine the olaramutab with my Dox!  Faith, hope, and prayers!  Faith, hope, and prayers!  

All in all, I'm fine.  I'm experiencing a little more nausea than last time...but I've got meds for that!  Mostly I'm tired.  I know this is to be expected too.  I really think a good nights sleep will help...and phenergan will let the drowsy begin😉.  Tonight I feel grateful for Drs., nurses, pathologists, pharmacists, researchers, and especially all of the love, support, faith, and prayers of my family and friends and for my Heavenly Father, the Savior, and the Holy Ghost whose light and knowledge is flooding the earth, and grants unto me many, many good days of peace and comfort, with the knowledge that the Savior knows me personally and has already experienced all that I have and will experience and done...and through His atonement I can be completely healed - emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and even physically.  And I don't even understand how He could do that let alone love me enough to do it!  

When I was a teenager (I may have shared this somewhere, sometime but don't remember) we were living in Huetschenhausen.  It was usually our custom to have dinner after Dad retuned from work so that we could have a meal together.  

One particular night (it was like 9 pm) we had just finished dinner and Dad made assignments for evening chores.  He asked me to clear the table and wash the dishes.  I REALLY didn't want to do them but I said ok.  But, because I didn't want to do them I went to the bathroom, played the piano, etc. - slow, slow-leaking you might say.  

After about 30-45 minutes I heard Dad in the kitchen, running water, scraping plates, putting food away, etc.  He wasn't doing it in an angry way...he seemed genuinely sad.  I tried to get him out of the kitchen with my attempts of protests and apology and jumping right into the task.  He responded by telling me it was ok and to just go finish my piano practice.  I felt so repentant and tried to make amends.  After a little while (with not much left to complete) Dad finally left the kitchen and I finished the job.  

I was frustrated beyond belief and went to talk to my Mom.  In her wisdom, she listened.  But once I had finished she said something to the effect of, "Karen, do you not understand your father yet?  He truly believes, like our Father in Heaven and the Savior, that if you love him, you will do as he asks."  For the first time I really understood.  Since that experience, my obedience is always about the love.  I love my Heavenly Father, the Savior, and the Holy Ghost.  I love them because they loved me first.  I love my parents because they loved me first.  It is amazing to me as I know I don't, of my own merit, deserve their love.  There are to many times I've been disobedient, self righteous, unteachable, proud, arrogant, and just more concerned about myself than those who have loved me so.  But, I really have learned that not only would the Savior not coerce my obedience because of the inherent unrighteousness in it, but he also only wants us to return because we want to, because we love him enough to do what he asks.  Because I love him, my faith has grown enough to know that whatever he requires is right and good for me...he is helping me to become what he knows I can become, if I love him enough to trust him and do as he asks!  I don't know why I have this privilege of experiencing this disease, but I'm sure that there have been and will be many spiritual opportunities in my future, and I will experience and feel his love through all the prayers and support of by those who continue to love and support me...regardless of my many faults and who are his disciples and his hands!