A New Knee

On the 14th of May I voluntarily walked into Methodist Medical Center in Oak Ridge to have my right knee replaced!  I was anxious about it, even fearful.  As it turns out, those fears were pretty justified.

The surgery went well but coming out of the anesthesia was a very different matter.  The typical pain management protocol didn't work.  The nurses spent the better part of that day trying to find something that would give even a modicum of relief.  They finally hit upon a dilauded drip and Demerol.  It was just agony.  I think I actually had a little bit of shock...teeth chattering, cold, tense, extremely low blood pressure.  Dr. Robbins said that now we've been down that path they will just start there when they do the next one...right now I'm not so sure when that will be.  I had thought I wanted it done ASAP but right now I'm not convinced!

Once the pain was more manageable I started therapy at the hospital.  Things went well but I was surprised at how stiff and swollen I was (am).   I was black and blue from ankle to hip - the entire circumference if the leg.  I am told some people just react that way...and I guess I'm lucky like that! Lol. I had no appetite for several days and just spent the time trying to get comfortable, dozing, in therapy, or zoned out.  By my second day I had learned how to climb stairs and I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was.  I had not expected that!  It was a relief to know that I would be able to manage the steps at home.

Surgery was Tuesday and by Friday I was ready to come home.  It felt so good to get home.  Rich left shortly after getting home to get prescriptions filled.  He had a terrible time doing that!  I've been on Percocet for a while now, to manage the arthritic pain, and I had a prescription filled the week before surgery.  However, after the problems in recovery, Dr. Robbins had prescribed Demerol for me to go home with...the pharmacy didn't want to fill it and Dr. Robbins wasn't in his office!  Rich finally got it taken care of but again, I was behind the pain due to the problems, and struggled for the next few hours to get control of the pain.  The nurses had me on a three hour interval and had counseled me to get on a schedule around the clock so I set my phone alarms and that has really helped.

The weekend passed with me hardly getting out of bed.  Ice and elevation were my best friends.  I found myself sleeping a lot and not coping real well.  I wanted to chat with the kids or Rich, but found I reverted to hermit mode with everyone else.  Just didn't want to have to put on a brave face...just wanted to cope the best I could...without having an audience.  I was somewhat surprised by that response but I can only liken it to being in transition in labor...knowing it would eventually end but at that time it was taking all the reserves I had just to endure.  I found myself reflecting on the Savior in Gethsemane or on the cross...how much harder was what he had to endure made by the "audience"?  The mocking and scorn would be hard enough...but trying to endure and be strong and provide comfort for those he loved...wow!  I am humbled by the very thought!

5+ Days cont.

I'm writing this on my iPad and for some reason, when the text gets to a certain length, it no longer crawls and then I can't read what I've been typing...hence the "cont."  Since I'm so tech savvy, I have no idea what to do to correct it so I've got my own solution. Lol

Desi reports that all is well there.  They have been running like crazy as the kids are playing soccer this season.  It really does seem like once a child hits school, activities just explode.  They've had a bevy of birthday parties and baby showers to attend as well.  Jason, Mike's sister's husband, is staying with them this summer while he completes an internship there in Denver.  Desi did quite a bit to try and set up a place for him so he wouldn't have to live out of a suitcase and yet not disrupt all the kids too.  He's gladly accepted a place in their basement but Desi has been trying to find a way to give him some degree of privacy.  In the meantime, the silliness and hyper behavior of 7 and 5 year olds is driving her nuts. Lol.  I remember those years so well...and I remember going through it the first time...it is easier, as are most things, the second time around. Lol. Cherstin and Dan are experiencing the same stresses!  Lol. Spring has been so on and off again for Denver so it'll be really nice when she can just send them outside to play, regardless of whether or not they want to.  Desi has also been looking for quite a while for a dining room table...she finally found it and I think they are really going to love it.  It even has chairs!  It'll be nice to have, especially since they will have Jason for the summer, they won't have to deal with the folding chairs.  Desi also called her dad last week, concerned about what she could do for Mother's Day.  She had decided that she wanted to have me get a pedicure (ooooohhh...I've been thinking how nice that would be prior to my surgery) and so she and Rich conspired for me to go get one.  Rich took me, last Friday, down to a place I've been to a few times only to find they had closed for the day.  So he made me an appointment for today!  Yes!!!  I'm going this morning!!!  Thanks so much Desi, Mike, Emily, Mordecai, Ruby, and Ivy!  I'm really going to feel pampered!

Phil and Hannah are doing wonderfully and I'm so very, very, very grateful that Hannah is so thoughtful about sending me little snapshots and videos of the kids regularly.  One of the very most difficult things about being a long distance grandmother is that I miss the day in and day out activities of my grandkids.  These little snapshots and videos help me feel like I'm right there witnessing it all, even though I am obviously not!  All if the kids are good about sharing...but I get a few more from Hannah and it always brings tears to me as I contemplate the beautiful relationship I have with her...I truly feel like she is my daughter and I know that that it is because of her efforts to include me and treat me as her mother.   The relationship of Naomi and Ruth from the OT is more poignant all the time as I realize that this relationship is a result of Hannah's efforts, not mine, as I suspect was the case with Ruth.  I wish I had had the wisdom and foresight with Mom B. when I was a young mother but truly...I just was clueless.  I had no idea how to do it...I didn't not want one...just didn't know how.  I know that sounds stupid...but it is so accurate.   As with my own mother, there are so many things I wish I could do over with Mom B - I hope she will forgive me.  Anyway - Hannah is hugely pregnant and just taking each day one at a time...only a few weeks left...but I know she probably feels ready to pop!

Wanda reports that baby Joshua is doing well and seems to be a contented, happy baby.  What a blessing!  With all that little (????) family has going on at the moment that is a real blessing.  I think Wanda is also doing well.  She seems to just enveloped Joshua into her life without even missing a beat.  I doubt it has been as easy as that...but she sure seems to make it seem like that.  Felicia has mentioned on numerous occasions that Wanda has made pregnancy and mothering seem easy to her...and Felicia has voiced her dismay and utter amazement at that now that she is experiencing pregnancy herself.  And, perhaps all the hubbub of the last days of school, soccer, church, etc. just require that the family just keeps moving.  Or, perhaps, with the focus and concern for Hyrum right now, everything else just takes a back seat a little bit.  Hyrum has had his sleep EEG and MRI and they have appointments for the pediatric opthamalogist and audiologist - and it looks like all results of those tests and the genetic blood tests will be back in time for their appointment with the neuro psychologist.  On a good note - Wanda said that Hyrum seemed to be babbling the other day.  That's a hopeful sign.  In the meantime they just keep working with him and praying for him...as are all if us.  And, to add to all the stress - Sam had been complaining of his eye hurting.  Wanda had a dr. Appointment for the baby so she just included Sam.  They looked at his eye, couldn't see a scratch but prescribed and antibiotic.  The next morning he broke out in a rash all over that side if his face and forehead.  Wanda called the dr back and made a return trip where they diagnosed him with shingles and sent him to an eye doctor.  He hasn't had chicken pox, just the vaccine...but it looks like he is suffering now.  Hopefully the antiviral meds will help him.  Such a miserable illness!  I'm wishing you a speedy recovery, Sam!

5+ Days

I have five days to go until surgery...it is coming quickly now...more quickly than I would like!  It occupies most if my waking thoughts.  I've wondered why that is...don't know...just does.  In the meantime I keep plugging along trying to prepare.

For the better part of a week we've had no Internet or cable.  The first day Rich called them and they told him that there was a "node" they were working on but it should be up and running in a few hours.  The next day they said it had to be our modem...Rich responded that if could possibly be our modem but since we don't have cable either it is more likely something other than the modem.  They said they would send someone out on Monday.  Rich told them to make sure they called our cell numbers as our house phone is a voice over ip.  So by Monday night, when they still hadn't come, Rich called again and they told him that they were sorry that they had missed us but that we hadn't responded to their phone calls!  Ugh!  They had been calling the house phone!!!  So they said they would come the next morning...and they did...and they called his cell number.   An hour later, and lots of rescheduling on our part, the tech traced the problem back to the box...someone had disconnected us and connected themselves...no way to know who but it sure was frustrating!  However, we finally have access to the outside world!  Who would have thought we were this dependent on technology!

Over that nearly week, there were lots of things that happened with the kids and I was feeling a little disconnected, to say the least.  And to make matters worse, our cell phones have been more spotty than usual too!

However, Cherstin managed to get through with the news that Abby had been pushed down at a playground.  She continued to fuss about her arm hurting, rather than getting over it like she normally would have, so Cherstin and Dan took her to the dr. office and discovered that she had a broken collar bone.  The brace is helping but it still has been painful.  It wasn't helped yesterday when Ellie and Emmett were jumping on the love seat that Abby was sitting on and Ellie landed on top of her.  Again, ouch!!!

Cherstin is also reporting that baby Lorenzo is a very fussy little guy.  I've asked about the possibility of reflux since Ellie and Hyrum had it but she says he doesn't show the symptoms like they did.  She has thought that it just might be him...but I see from her blog last night, that she is trying a trial dose of Prevacid to see it might help and he has been much less difficult.  Maybe his symptoms are just extreme fussiness.  I hope, in a way, that it is...it is so much easier to handle a fussy little one if you know what the reason is.

Felicia and Tom have graduated from BYU now - they have their MSWs and have met the licensing requirements as well.  Tom's folks were able to go out for their graduation and I just received a very much appreciated note from his mom, Jean, with pictures and a program.  They are now hunting desperately for a job for Tom as Felicia is hoping to stay home with baby Noah and just work part time for her credentials after he's about a year old or so.  Tome has been putting in applications like crazy and, as I write, they are on the road for some interviews.  Tom had a phone interview with a place in Independence, KS last Friday and he will travel there for a face interview next week.  Yesterday he had an interview with the state of Utah down in St. George as a case worker, and from there they traveled to Gilbert, AZ for another one.  Right now it is just a walk of faith and we keep them in our prayers.

Joey and Carlie are continuing to prepare for their big move next month to Monterey, CA.  The kids have piano recitals this weekend and Gideon has a band trip to an amusement park.  It is also the Fathers and Sons outing but Joey knows they will have more of those but this trip for Gideon will be the last big event with friends that have made his time in Ohio so wonderful.  Toni, Carlie's mom, will be arriving there on Saturday.  She is going to be staying with the kids all next week as Joey and Carlie are leaving on a much needed cruise of the Caribbean on Sunday.  I'm so grateful that she is able to do this, even though it is her and Stephan's anniversary that week!  Joey and Carlie will have the opportunity to visit Kevin Smith and his family on the Sunday morning after the cruise and that will be lots if fun.  Kevin was a great friend to Joey in El Centro and even the best man at their wedding.  Three days after they get back from the cruise Carlie is having some surgery to repair  some of the stresses for child birth.  It will only be a couple days later and they will have packers arrive.  It is going to be a crazy few weeks for them.

Siblings

Today, on my way to the gym, Brad and Mike called me.  They were wondering how Rich and I were doing and when my surgery was scheduled for...they wanted to make sure I wasn't "chicken-ing out" lol.  I was so sad that I was in my way for a training appointment and so I had to cut short our conversation.  I would have loved to just chat for a while.  It isn't often that we are able to connect like that and I found myself longing for the deeper connections of family.  One of the consequences of Mom and Dad being gone is that we don't call as often as...life just has a way if getting in the way and the time differences don't help either!  It is much easier to connect than just a few years ago but even with the blessings of technology it isn't as easy or as often as I found myself longing for.  I once read that the sibling relationship is the most enduring if all, just because we are connected over the longest period of time and I find that the older I get, the more I need to connect with my wonderful brothers and their sweet wives.  I find my interest and worry in their families and lives growing.  I'm not sure if this is a normal phenomenon or if it is just that I'm finally growing up. I guess it doesn't matter...just matters that I really, really love them and are so grateful that I have them in my life.

Because of their call I've been remembering conversations and events all evening.  I have to say that I feel particularly blessed that we had our parents and the gospel in our lives growing up.  I know of people who have pretty difficult relationships with their siblings and I feel real gratitude that I have nothing but love and admiration for each of my brothers.  It is not to say that either they or I are perfect.  We aren't.  But I love each if them with my whole heart and are grateful for their love and support.  Indeed, heaven wouldn't be heaven if they aren't there.  

I am very grateful that our children also have such warm, tender, and compassionate feelings for one another.  Just today I have learned that one of our children, when they and their spouse were at the temple yesterday, placed one of their sibling's name and their family on the prayer roll.  Another child, seeking to provide aid and support, is sending a package with things the other might need.  And another family is praying with their whole hearts for two other families....surely this is what heaven is all about....  I think I have just a tiny, tiny glimpse into what my Father in Heaven must feel like when we are trying to love and help others of His children...our brothers and sisters.  

Today is 13 days until my surgery day.  I have done sets of the pre-op exercises and met with my trainer for arms, shoulders, and backs, went to yoga, and dropped another 2 pounds.  I wish I could have new knees without going through the surgery...I know...it's a constant theme...and I really wish I didn't need to have them both done.  Both of my trainers, Debi and Kathleen, told me today that I can't chicken out and they will be here on the morning of my surgery to help Rich get me there if I tried to chicken out.  Lol.   I keep thinking that my knees aren't really that bad and that I can put this off but then I try to work or stand and I realize that they really are that bad.  I just hope the few things I've done to prepare are enough.  I wish that I hadn't regained so much of the weigh I'd lost but at least I've lost 40...too bad it isn't 40 from two years ago...but I can't go backwards...only forwards.  

"Turn Around" continued...

Rich's dr. at Vanderbilt had found that due to the breathing difficulties he has, the body remains tense and that happens throughout the body and pressure builds inside the bladder that will not allow the full release of urine.  The potential for kidney damage becomes more likely the longer that this goes on...and it may have been going on much longer than we even know.  He's had blood in his urine off and on for years and had numerous tests but this finally explains what seems to have been happening.  To make a long story short...they have tried medications, physical therapy, etc. with varying degrees of success.  But finally decided that they could put a pacemaker of sorts in, leads run along the sacral nerve and override the body and allow the bladder to release.  I don't really know exactly how it works...have sort of a rudimentary understanding...but suffice it to say...the decision was made to put it in on the 5th of  March.  It was to be done in two stages.  They implanted the leads through his back and rear with a line that connected it to a control box that he wore on his clothing, sort of like an insulin pump.  If it worked, the surgeon would do the second stage a week later which amounted to implanting a control box.  The good news was that it worked fabulously and Rich had felt more relief than he had felt in a very long time.

The sad part of this whole saga was that the day before he was to have the second stage done he didn't feel well, at all.  He didn't even get dressed or go downstairs at all.  I kept looking for infection but didn't see any and he wasn't running a temp either.  The next morning thought, I knew he was not doing well.  He slept all the way to Nashville, only waking when we hit a bump in the road or made turns.  By the time we got to the hospital and he had been taken back to the pre-op room his temp had begun to rise and his entire left buttock was red and hot.  They called the surgeon in and she believed that they would be taking it all out and cleaning out the wound sites due to infection.  That is exactly what happened.  He was in surgery for about an hour and a half and pull it all.  They cultured the infection and treated him for mrsa, believing that to be the cause.  It was a nasty infection, according to the surgeon and they gave him massive antibiotics and kept him over night.  I stayed with him and they taught me how to clean, pack and dress the wounds.  The next morning we returned to Oak Ridge.  He was really feeling pretty rough but I knew he'd be more comfortable a home.

We stayed home on Wednesday, just trying to help him get comfortable and some rest, but he was really in distress.  The next morning, after a rough night, I called his pulmonologist and asked if we could see him.  He had us come right in.  He took an x-ray, lung functions test, etc. and sent us to the hospital er for a work up and admission.  He had pneumonia and his heart had enlarged.  The dr. Was concerned about the "many moving parts" that needed to be managed in order to care for him and felt it needed to be done in the hospital.  They would need to give him lots if antibiotics and steroids.  The steroids would be a mixed blessing...they would help him with the pneumonia but would raise the blood sugars which would negatively affect wound healing, and they would suppress the immune system and potentially allow the infection to overrun.  In the meantime, the cultures from surgery had come back positive for mrsa.  He spent four days in the hospital.  The care was excellent and I felt especially grateful that he was getting the care he needed.

It has been nearly two months and the wounds have closed more in the last week and a half than they did the entire rest of the time.  The drs. believe that he is finally over the infection enough that the body can actually work on the wounds now.  I'm hoping that they'll be closed by the time I have my surgery, or Rich will be bringing alcohol, gauze, scissors and tape twice a day to my room.  Lol

Good news continues to abound on this front as Dr. DiMeo wanted him to see his cardiologist as he was concerned that the infection had harmed the heart and that we might be facing congestive heart failure.  We met with the cardiologist last week and he believes that the pleural effusion that Rich has is residual from the infection and pneumonia, rather than from the heart.  The heart has actually decreased in size since the hospital visit and he has dropped 13 # as well.  He believes that if it were the heart he would have gained weight instead if losing, and the heart wouldn't have decreased in size.  However, he is running the tests tomorrow just to be sure that all is well.   I'm extremely grateful for the continued evidence of the Lord's hand in our lives.  It seems that there have been miracles all along the way...I guess "seems" isn't really accurate...we've seen the miracles over and over.  It has been a long haul but Rich is beginning to gain some strength and stamina back and I'm beginning to him have enough energy to do a few things...he haswatched lots of tv and slept and slept and slept...but I suppose that is to be expected.

"Turn Around, Turn Around"

Time seems to have flown by and nearly every day I vow that I am going to do better about recording our lives...and that seems to be the extent of my efforts...a vow.

Our year started off without much fanfare.  We had Joey and Carlie and their family, and Phil and Hannah and their family visit for Christmas.  It was so much fun for me.  I'm so grateful that they were able to come.  Joey and Carlie have received orders and will be relocating to Monterey, CA in June.  The time that they have been this close has been so wonderful.  I will really miss them as I know that other than Levi's birthday, we probably won't have much opportunity to get together as a family.  The extended family is getting bigger by the month and we are so far flung around the country that the expense and time are beginning to take a toll.

Joey had to get back to work so they left the Monday following Christmas and Phil  and Hannah left a few days later so that they could stop over at Joey's for New Years.  The house got very quiet, very quickly.  I remember a talk that President Packer gave many years ago about the most wonderful site in the world...the headlight of your kids coming to visit...and their taillights when they leave.  I laughed then and I laugh now because it is so true.  We just LOVE having the kids come and HATE having them leave but also realize that we have really gotten used to quiet. Lol. I so wish that we could all live within a 1/2 hour drive from each other and could see one another regularly.  But, I guess we have done pretty well at getting together these past few years...just hard to think of that coming to an end.

For my birthday Rich gave me an iPad and I have loved it!  I thought I would and I have not been disappointed.  I think I've turned on the computer only a couple of times since getting it.  Perhaps now that I am attempting to use it for the blog and it seems to be working, I'll post more often...at least I hope so.

In November I saw Dr. May about my knees.  She referred me to an orthopedic doctor that she has confidence in and in January I had my first appointment with him.  He x-rayed them and told me that I was a candidate for total knee replacements.  I talked to him about doing them bilaterally but he said he no longer does them that way.  He prefers to "stage" them, saying that in his experience if there are going to be complications it is always in the bilateral.  Unfortunately complications are a real possibility and so we set my surgery for May 14th and the second will be done six weeks later.  He gave me a packet of information and a list of things that need to be done prior to the surgery and I have been working to get those done.  For example: allergy testing for metals and cements used commonly in the procedures...I learned that I am allergic to nickel...but I had already suspected that.  I have been to the dentist, had my teeth cleaned and I'm good for the next six months.  He gave me exercises to do twice a day to strengthen the muscles that will be affected as a result of the surgery and I have been doing them as well as meeting with my trainer 3-4 times a week.  I need to donate my blood in case they need it during the surgery.  I have made alcohol/water ice packs, and will be ordering an icing machine, loose fitting clothes, shoes, shower stool, and toilet risers in the next few days.  All in all I think I'm getting prepared...just wish I didn't need to have it done.

Joey and Carlie and kids came back down the end of January for a weekend.  Again, it was so lovely to have them and I'm really feeling the pains of them moving.

February was spent just doing the normal activities of life and was also the first year that I didn't have dad to call for his birthday.  It was a bitter-sweet day.  Felicia and Tom purchased some flowers to put on his grave and headed to the cemetery.  They called me several times, asking if I could give them directions for his grave.  I was rather baffled by this as I knew Felicia knew where it was.  It wasn't until I read their blog that I understood why they had such difficulty locating it...the entire cemetery was under at least a foot of snow!  Poor Tom cleaned off many plots in order to find Dad's!  They sent me some pictures and somehow I'll try to post them.  I was very glad they were able to go to the cemetery and felt especially grateful that they were able to commemorate his birthday...even though it was their effort, I felt a little bit a part of it.  It is hard for me to realize how much time has passed and I'm grateful that he is with Mom but sad at how much he had to endure.

On March 5th Rich had a surgical procedure done at Vanderbilt in Nashville that was to help him with a bladder problem that has been giving him difficulty for a few years.  His dr there had run all kinds of tests to discover what was happening.  She believes that his breathing difficulties keep all muscles and

Joseph James Pehrson - Dad

At 3:01 a.m. my phone rang.  Mike was calling with the expected news that Dad had slipped the bonds of this earth and been reunited with Mom, his mother and father, sister, and extended family in those glorious courts on high. 

Just a week ago today I sat in the Nauvoo Temple with Felicia as she received her endowment.  My mind was crowded with emotions and thoughts that kept coming, unbidden and not easily dismissed, of her wedding and festivities that were impending the following day.  Rich, Wanda, Joey, Phil, Hannah, Cherstin, Brittany, and Tom were all in attendance.  Carlie, Robert, Dan, and Julia had all elected to stay at the hotel with the children so that their spouses and daughter could be there with Felicia.  Mike was back in Denver with his little brood so that Desi could come...but Desi was en route from the airport in St. Louis, racing to  make that 5 pm session.  My sadness was gut-wrenching when the Temple President decided to close the door and proceed with the session.  I didn't know where Desi was and my sadness was profound.   I thought how that feeling must be so similar to those of loved ones waiting for their spouses, children, parents and siblings on the other side and yet, because of choices and events in this life, the door was closed and eternity rolled on.  I knew that Desi was doing all that she could to be there...but she was missing.

The session continued and I struggled to lose the forboding that continued to envelope me.  I wondered where she was, had she given up and gone back to the hotel, was she okay?  I sat in a session that taught of the greatest love story ever told - of our Heavenly Father and His desire to bring each of His children home and the efforts of our Savior to assist in that great work and I didn't know where Desi was...was she home?  It is not usual that I am the first through the veil - but I was on that occasion and there are not words to describe the joy I felt when I entered the Celestial Room and found Desi, sitting on a couch, waiting for the rest of us.  Again I marvelled at those feelings, knowing that they must be somewhat similar to those who are waiting for us on the other side and for us who are anxious to reunite with loved ones gone ahead.  I thought of Mom waiting for Dad and Dad's desire to be with Mom and wondered how much longer they would have to wait.  I thought of covenants made by each of us and prayed that we would all work with all our might to keep those covenants and to repent so that we could all enter into that glory - to be together forever.  Heaven just won't be complete without each one that I love there.  I thought of how much each of us are a work in progress - and - knowing that salvation is a personal endeavor - prayed that each of us would undertake that work...to renew our covenants, repent, study, develop our testimonies, and seek to know the Lord.  It is not a work that can be done for anyone else...and really...putting aside my own pride and selfish endeavors is hard enough for me.  I also thought of how exaltation is a family endeavor - that we can never give up praying for one another, serving one another, being kind, worrying about, and loving each other with all our might...even when it seems hopeless.  It's really about keeping our covenants and trusting in the Lord - knowing that each of us are His work and desiring to be involved in His work in whatever way He needs us to be.

One day each of us will return "home" just as Dad has done today.  We will see the reality of the eternities.  We will know in every fiber of our being whether or not we qualify for the blessings of being together forever.

On many occasions after Mom passed away, Dad and I discussed these very same principles and doctrines.  He was reading the scriptures voraciously, listening to talks on BYUtv, reading books by general authorities, and searching his very soul.  He had no doubt that Mom qualified for all that our Father has to offer His children...but he wasn't sure that he would ever be good enough.  I bought him "Believing Christ" and "Following Christ" - both by Stephen Robinson, knowing that what he was experiencing was grief and he just needed the reassurance of all that he already knew and the hope and faith to continue to endure without Mom at his side.  What I witnessed in Dad was most remarkable to me.  His prayers were for the Lord to help him understand what he needed to learn and do and to know the Lord's will.  There was NEVER any recrimination or anger - just the tender pleadings of Dad to understand and accept Mom's passing and the desire to do whatever the Lord wanted him to do.  He knows the gospel is true, that Jesus is our Savior and Redeemer, and that we can all be together - forever.  And his most urgent desire is for all of us to receive these truths for ourselves - so that we can be a forever family.  Tonight he has returned home.  It is my prayer that we all do whatever it takes to do the same.  I love you, Dad and Mom.