The Biggest Loser

Tonight we watched the 1st episode of "The Biggest Loser" program of this season. I belong to the Biggest Loser Club - an online group dedicated to weight loss. I have been watching this program and have been inspired by it for a long time - but Jillian (one of the trainers) made an interesting point tonight...she said something like, "it's not good enough to talk about how committed you are to losing, you actually have to act like it." I have known that and been telling myself the very same thing for a long time. But it is time I start acting like it. There have been lots of reasons that I have not been as focused as I should have, and some would even say that they are valid reasons...but truth be told...I have chosen to be the way I am by the choices I have made...and it all comes down to my lack of faith, I think. I think I have been afraid to believe that this wonderful body that my Father in Heaven has given me will really respond like I would like it to...and I also think I am afraid of success...now that one is bizarre...but I think it is true. In reality I will be the biggest loser if I don't lose this weight...I will lose health, strength, stamina, power, influence, agility, flexability, will power, self confidence, etc....the list goes on and on. So - since I am reporting on my attempts at the impossible every night - I might as well report these effort too. And, because I don't think I can "start tomorrow" I will report that today wasn't too bad - but not that great either. The ice cream fudge bars need to go - and not in my mouth :)

Rich is still struggling with breathing. The air is VERY COLD ourside (13 degrees) and I think that doesn't help either. He sees the nurse at Dr. Sharma's office (the cardiologist) for his cholesterol check and I hope that is good news. I don't know if I reported that he had lost 8 lbs over the last month - but that is very good too. His blood sugars have been better stabilized today - he only needed insulin once, at noon, and only 4 units at that. I am hoping they will keep getting better and better.

Thinking of weight...and remembering. My mother and grandmother were heavy as far back as I can remember. I used to be very embarrassed by that. My mom always worried about the toll her weight was taking on her children and husband. I remember that she used to worry that it caused my brother, Mike, a real conflict of emotions. It was always true that I thought she was the most amazing woman, kind, wise, smart, creative, strong, considerate, compassionate, understanding, and willing to do anything for anyone, always giving the benefit of the doubt...all things I truly admired and want to become like...but I always worried about the weight. It's funny that I was talking with a gal who has a daughter-in-law who came from a home where her mother was a "druggie" and that daughter-in-law is angry about that and what she had to endure as a result - all the while she is doing the same thing to her baby. I always wanted to lose weight but I always felt that by doing so I was in some ways inpugning my mom or being disloyal to her - and that is so convoluted as she would have rejoiced in my success to overcome what she worked so hard but never was able to succeed in doing. The emotional tolls of these issues can be resolved by the effects of the atonement...but so can the cause...so what am I waiting for?